Tag Archives: primary

Rick rolled

It had to happen sooner or later. Sick Rantorum made the trifecta this week, winning in three states in one day and become the latest in the GOP’s desperate attempts to find a presidential nominee who is Not Romney.

Newt Gingrich sure didn’t last long. Not a surprise. I guess the only thing worse in these bigoted bozos’ eyes than Romney is Ron Paul. Somehow I’m just not expecting a Paul surge anytime soon. Not that the Texas congressman hasn’t tried. He’s pulled out all the backwards nonsense he promoted in those newsletters he denies having any responsibility for. Funny that he still backs the concepts though.

He’s gone all anti-gay and anti-minorities of any kind. But unless he drops the anti-war stuff, he is going nowhere in this Republican Party. And if he drops the anti-war stuff, then he loses all the fake progressives who ignore his bigotry and prejudice to fall in line behind him on the peace platform.

But Sick Rantorum. I just don’t seem him as the nominee though. He’s just not … he’s not manly enough. The guy wears sweater vests, for christ’s sake! Who does that? Mr. Rogers at least wore a button up cardigan! Seriously, a sweater vest?

I think he may have gotten a pity vote in Colorado too. He tried to go all Ben Nighthorse Campbell there with a bolo tie. Took it off for the next stop, though. Guess they told him it looked stupid. But they coulda at least told him why. It looked stupid because he was wearing it with a button down Oxford.

And Minnesota? Hell, that’s Michele Bachmann’s state. He’s the only one left to the right of her both politically and mentally.

Rick’s Catholic, and unlike Newt Gingrich, who converted to try to shore up his religious cred, has always been. But he’s a Catholic of the Vatican variety and not the more liberal American variety — you know the type. No abortion, no birth control, no gay sex, no gay marriage, no masturbation. No fun.

That is one thing about the Catholics though. They’re honest about everything they don’t want, unlike American evangelicals who prefer to take it one or two issues at a time. Like abortion, they’re into that, but they haven’t gotten started on contraception yet. Don’t worry though. They will. They’re all about controlling the women. And so far they’ve stopped at making us queers second or maybe third class citizens. They’ll get to jailing us or killing us later. Well, killing us is tacitly OK, of course. I mean actually executing us, the way they’re setting up several African countries to do. It’s the evangelicals, y’know. They’re behind that.

In fact, they (and the former senator from Pennsylvania) would be delighted if we had an extremist Christian regime every bit as limiting and barbaric as the extremist Islamic regime in Iran. It’s just that Christianity is right, y’know, and Islam is wrong. At least that’s what they they. Personally, I think they’re all wrong.

But I digress. Sick Rantorum is the new belle of the ball. Will he be the Not Romney who actually wins? I kinda doubt it. Cracked me up the other day when he said that neither Newt nor Mitt could beat Barack Obama, as if he could.

Honestly, though, we live in a country that elected George W. Bush twice. Anything is possible.

So, progressives, don’t get all giddy because the GOP voters are toying with possible nominees you think are way too out there to possibly pose a challenge to Obama. Anything could happen.

And besides, there’s still all those anti-Obama “progressives” out there who are bound and determined to do what Mitch McConnell could never do on his own — prevent a second term. I understand McConnell. But the progressives? That didn’t work out so well back in 2000 as I recall.

And it’d be even worse now, because if somebody doesn’t pull away and win this thing soon, the Republicans might have themselves a brokered convention, and that could mean the whole thing’s up for grabs.

I’d really prefer not to find out who the whackadoodles at the convention might pull out of the wings to run if they can’t decide. But I can guarantee it won’t be pretty.