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Still fighting the Civil War

Here’s something completely unexpected: A new poll says that a majority of Tea Parties and Republicans (aka TeaPublicans) admire the leaders of the Confederacy more that the leaders of the Union, and a majority of the same group does not believe that slavery prompted those same leader to secede in 1861.

Never mind that the secession documents of those state say plainly that their obsession with holding fellow human beings in perpetual slavery, controlling every part of their lives they could possibly control — and their fear that the federal government would outlaw the reason for their wealth — was the reason.

That, my friend, is what “states’ rights” is all about — the seeds of the dog whistle, code for the one of most despicable economic strategies in the history of mankind.

And doesn’t it just look like the TeaPublicans of today want to get right back as close as they can to that day? It’s behind their attacks on unions — “Wages are too high!” they say, voting against any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

And what of that minimum wage? It may be good for the high school student trying to make some extra bucks, but do TeaPublicans really think anyone can live on that wage? Say you get a job, and you’re paid $8.25 an hour — that a buck higher than the minimum. Know what that comes to per week? $330. Before taxes. Not including any health insurance, any savings, retirement.

No, my friends, the TeaPublicans would love to get back to paying slave wages — they’ll give you a ramshackle shed for you and all your extended family, whatever scraps of food they don’t eat themselves and beat the living shit out of you if you complain. Or take your wife and children and ship them off to some other overlord. Or both.

What better plan to enrich themselves. There’s hardly any labor cost at all.

But here’s the really bad news about that poll, released this morning by CNN. Barely a majority of all Americans believe that slavery was at the heart of the secession. I imagine that’s caused by a deteriorating education system (again, thanks to those TeaPublicans) and the loud mouths of the lying Right.

Another scary prospect: Independents are evenly split on that question. But here’s something funny: While a majority of TeaPublicans don’t understand that “states’ rights” = slavery, a plurality of Southerners do.

The good news: A majority of every group except Southerners (a plurality leads there) are Union-sympathizers. At least we have that going for us.

The Civil War is very real for me, both the one that started 150 years ago today and the one we’re fighting now. I grew up in a Southern state that was a divided as the rest of the union — in fact, my state initially voted not to secede, but after a little blackmail from slaveholders who blocked the way to the major trade route, its legislators reversed the vote. Legislators in the part of the state I’m from didn’t change their votes.

In the fields behind my childhood home is a line of bunkers built by soldiers trying to hold the line. Archaeologists have dug up bullets and buttons in those fields. An electrician wiring a 1785 house in the 1960s found full uniforms hidden in the walls. After the town librarian died and family friends bought his antebellum home, they found an unexploded  Civil War mortal shell in the attic. There’s an old, old rumor that two deserters were shot and buried in the fields my father owns. Another rumor says there was a tunnel escape route from the 1785 house into those fields.

Interestingly, today is the anniversary of another Civil War event — a group of Union African American soldiers surrendered at Fort Pillow, Tennessee, and the Confederates killed them all.

Today I fight the good fight with the rest of you, trying to undo the damage done by centuries of slavery and prevent a slide back toward those dark days. I find it ironic that the party positions were once reversed, the Republican Party the party of Lincoln and the Democrats the party of a Reconstruction that made things worse than they should have been.

Republican leaders like to claim Lincoln, but he’d be disgusted by their antics. Democrats made a shift too, to being champions of labor and the people, but now even they seem to have forgotten what made them strong.

Our infrastructure is crumbling, our education system makes a laughingstock of us, our health care system is a disgrace, the economy is in shambles, jobs are nonexistent, and the Right’s media saturation constantly bombards the country with lies. Meanwhile, in Congress, no one will do the right thing, or even consider what that might be, in the struggle to keep the lobbyists’ money flowing.

I’d love to be proud of my country, but I’m not. I’m embarrassed by it. And I don’t think I’m alone.

All men are created equal

I’m an avid reader, as you may have gathered. My favorite reading pastime is science fiction short stories, I came upon a collection edited by Phillip Dick the other day — scifi stories from the 30s through the 60s. One of them, in particular, annoyed the hell out of me.

“The Highest Treason,” by one Randall Garrett, was published in 1961. It’s premise is an America that has grown soft. How, you may ask? Well, it appears that social programs — those aimed to help the poor and needy — were the culprit. That and some idea that “all men are created equal” means that everyone is the same and no one is better than anyone else at anything.

I was only 4 in 1961, so I can’t speak with any authority on what was happening at that particular time to make Randall Garrett think such things. Except maybe for the blazing success of the New Deal. We all know how that pissed off conservatives, so I’m thinking that Randall may have been one of those, at least as far as secular matters are concerned. He was ordained in an offshoot of the Roman Catholic Church that was a tad more liberal than those guys, plus he was a founding member of the Society for Creative Anachronism, which recreates medieval society.

Anyway, Garrett’s story really bugged me. There was a space war going on, and the aliens were winning because they didn’t believe that they were all created equal. Hierarchies existed. On earth, however, the unions had created a system wherein you just stayed in your job and didn’t rock the boat and eventually you became the boss, not because you deserved it, but because you did your time.

Now, I think seniority is a valuable element in promotions and such. But so is merit. The two must be balanced — but not in Garrett’s America. One or the other.

That’s a problem we have now. One or the other, liberal or conservative, progressive or reactionary, Democrat or Republican, socialism or capitalism. There can be no blend, no meeting of the minds. And it’s nearly always the conservative mind that makes this so.

That’s to be expected, of course. It’s the very nature of conservatives to seek the limit or block change, growth or even an expansion of ideas. There’s just no way for them to conceive of allowing any progressive thought to enter the picture.

Look at Congress. Republicans in the House of Representatives now have this idea that they will not vote for anything that Democrats support. House Speaker John Boehner was overheard telling House freshmen to “keep up the rhetoric,” meaning the lies. Bipartisanship? Nah. Don’t need it. The plan is to pass a bill with only their stuff in it and get the Senate to pass it too. They just might.

It’s awfully frustrating, when it’s so very clear the direction we need to go, and the people we keep electing to take us there can’t see it. They fancy themselves leaders, but I’m reminded of something Roslynn Carter once said: “A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don’t necessarily want to go, but ought to be.”

We have so few great leaders, and those we do have are primarily working on a small scale — why on earth would they want to run for office and be forced to play the idiotic games that politicians play?

Other countries have had great leaders in recent memory. Nelson Mandela comes to mind. And some day, we’ll get our own Mandela.

At least, I hope so. I’d rather we didn’t get the hero of Randall Garrett’s book, who joined the aliens and waged a brutal campaign against Earth that ended the “softness” and brought all the brutality and violence out again. I’d rather have a hero who can bring people together rather than reinforce the “us vs. them” mentality.

All men (and women) are created equal. It’s the minutiae of their lives that make differences, that create diversity.

When the law doesn’t apply

I don’t even know what to say about this — it goes so far beyond IOKIYAR* that nothing even remotely polite comes to mind. But here’s the tale:

You all know about how TeaPublican Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin lied through his shiny white teeth about how his budget bill, which included draconian cuts to labor rights, had to be passed in order to save the state from a budget deficit that he and his TeaPublican cohorts in the state legislature created by cutting taxes to big businesses and the rich.

We know this was a flat out lie, because when push came to shove, Walker refused to negotiate — even after the unions agreed to all his proposals save the elimination of collective bargaining for all but wages, which, of course, has nothing to do with the budget. And finally, the governor and the other SOBs in the state legislature then stripped the bill of everything to do with the finances — except the parts that had to do with public workers — so it could pass without a quorum since the Democrats in the legislature refused to go along with the plan to ramrod the bill through.

The result, of course, was a budget bill that didn’t address the budget, drastically reduced the effectiveness of collective bargaining and set up the system so that Walker could sell the state’s nukes to the Koch brothers.

Liars.

But then a county judge put a restraining order on the secretary of state, barring him from publishing the bill — a requirement under Wisconsin law in order for a bill to become law.

So what did state Republicans do? They published it anyway, using the Legislative Reference Bureau to publish it to the legislature’s website on Friday. Stephen Miller, director of the Legislative Reference Bureau, said he didn’t think that would make the bill become law.

“I think this is a ministerial act that forwards it to the secretary of state,” he said. “I don’t think this act makes it become effective. My understanding is that the secretary of state has to publish it in the (official state) newspaper for it to become effective.”

But the state Senate’s majority leader disagreed.

“It’s published,” Scott Fitzgerald said. “It’s law. That’s what I contend.”

And Walker’s administration secretary, Mike Huebsch, gave out the governor’s response.

“Today the administration was notified that the LRB published the budget-repair bill as required by law,” he said. “The administration will carry out the law as required.

That’s right. Because the law does not apply to Republicans, especially when voters have given them a “mandate,” by electing them even with the slimmest of margins, to do whatever the hell they want to do.

Miller, head of a non-partisan office, agreed to publish the bill under his understanding that it would not violate the intentions of the court order, which very clearly said the judge was “restrain(ing) and enjoin(ing) the further implementation of 2011 Wisconsin Act 10″ and blocking the secretary of state’s publication of the bill because that was “the next step in implementation of that law.”

Clearly, Miller did not realize the intentions of state Republicans.

The complaint that sparked the judge’s order alleges that Republicans violated the state’s open meetings act to pass the stripped-down bill. Republicans, who of course can do no wrong and even if they do it doesn’t matter, say they didn’t. I’m sure they will find some tiny legal loophole that they will use to justify their actions, just like they did on the publication issue.

Wisconsin’s rule book give publication rights to both the secretary of state and to the Legislative Reference Bureau — but the part about when a bill goes into effect refers only to the secretary of state’s publication in the official newspaper.

Ah, but means nothing to Republicans. Although I haven’t heard the phrase used, I’m sure they’re claiming “activist judge” status for the jurist who dared to try to stop them, and that, of course, means they don’t have to abide by the ruling. And just in case, they’ll split hairs — the restraining order doesn’t apply to the Legislative Research Bureau.

And besides, the Republican attorney general says that action by the secretary of state isn’t required for a bill to become law. So there. And waterboarding isn’t torture either.

Republicans aren’t just gaming the show about the law either. In Wisconsin, they also want to make sure that nobody ever knows that their party in that state was at one time almost, well, progressive. That ended in the 1950s when Sen. Joe McCarthy nearly destroyed it.

A history professor at the University of Wisconsin in Madison, William Cronon, wrote a fascinating piece in the New York Times about Wisconsin’s political history. Here’s what PZ Myers of Pharyngula had to say about it:

It’s a great essay, even-handed and informed, and reminded me that yes, once upon a time, Republicans weren’t the party of insane corporate tools who got their instructions direct from god, and that there are common principles of good government that liberals and conservatives could agree on.

Unfortunately, the Republicans don’t agree with Myers’ assessment. They’ve launched a witchhunt against Cronon, trying  in Myers’ words, “to find any damning connection that will allow them to claim that Cronon is an apparatchik and propagandist, rather than an independent historian with a serious scholarly focus.”

Interestingly, using Joe McCarthy’s tactics. I’d think that would raise more than a few red flags, not to mention hairs on the backs of many heads, but Republicans of late have been embracing their inner McCarthyism, quite openly at times.

But as Myers points out, Cronon’s “greatest crime may have been exposing to the light of day a quiet organization, ALEC, that has been drafting the most conservative legislation for our government in collaboration with the wealthiest corporations in the country.”

Oh dear. Republicans tied to wealthy corporations? Say it ain’t so. But what am I thinking. Corporations are people, too, in this cowardly new world where secrecy and bullying are the order of the day.

Wisconsin, oh Wisconsin, that you should be the first to endure this travesty is repugnant beyond repugnant. But while we’re watching Wisconsin, the same thing is happening in every state in the union, on one level or another. It is a full out assault, carried out by operatives who pretend to be interested good governance.

But they left behind that noble sentiment long ago. Money, the collection and hoarding of, is the only real item on the agenda. And to make sure they enact that agenda, the modern Republican party has no qualms about granting itself immunity to the law.

*It’s OK If You Are Republican

An un-thinking society

Is this really a good idea, to start a war with Libya? I know, I know, humanitarian purposes and all that. But really? What about the humanitarian purposes elsewhere?

How many people have died in Yemen? What about Bahrain, where the military just tore down the square where anti-government protesters gathered? What about Syria? Bashir Assad is a dictator. Sudan? OK, so the referendum creating a new country in the south passed, but come on. Darfur, anybody?  That’s in the west.

Somalia? There’s not even a government to speak of there. Jordan? I’m sure we really don’t want to topple a king who once appeared on Star Trek (Deep Space Nine), but what’s the diff, folks?

So maybe none of these other countries have actually started an all out war on the opposition like Libya, but still. Oppressive regimes, lack of human rights, which reminds me, Saudi Arabia? How many of those 9/11 hijackers came from that kingdom again?

Do we really want to police the world? Or just the parts we don’t like? The warmongering neocons must be just absolutely giddy. All that saber-rattling about Iran and Venezuela. And hardly a peep about the Palestinian territories.

Ivory Coast? Now there’s crisis for you. The president lost his bid for re-election, declared the vote preliminary, and lo and behold, when the official count came out, he won! Imagine that. And now he’s busy putting down the “insurrection” led by the real winner of the election, who used to be prime minister.

And Zimbabwe’s still under the rule of Robert Mugabe, who’s nearly as nuts as Moammar Gadhafi.

In Afghanistan, we fight the Taliban while the corrupt government of Hamid Karzai gets our protection. Pakistan? Really? Are we talking the government or the intelligence service or the army? They’re not even on the same page. How can we hope to back the right side?

And Saturday was the eighth anniversary of the Iraq war. That sure worked out well.

But this is as it’s always been with American foreign policy — we pick and choose who to fight, depending on who’s in charge in Washington. We demonize the regimes we don’t like and look the other way when the ones we do like operate under the same rules.

And Americans, well, they really don’t give a shit. Besides, how many of us actually could point to all those countries on a map and get as close as the right continent?

I suppose you heard about the 1,000 Americans who took the citizenship test that immigrants are required to pass in order to become a citizen. Well, 38 percent failed. Here are some of my favorites:

Nearly 3/4 did not know what the Cold War was about. So all this screaming and yelling about socialism and communism is a bunch of bullshit these dunces hear on Faux News and Rush Limbaugh.

Seven in 10 did not know that the Constitution is the supreme law of the land. That doesn’t bode well for Michele Bachmann and the Tea Party.

Given a multiple choice question, 65 percent did not check the box that said the Constitution was written at the Constitutional Convention. That not only speaks ill of their lack of knowledge about the country, but it also says they lack the ability to reason.

Vast majorities didn’t know how many Supreme Court justices there are currently, that Susan B. Anthony fought for women’s rights or that John Boehner is speaker of the house.

They fared a little better on Martin Luther King — only 23 percent didn’t know he had something to do with civil rights.

Nearly half didn’t know that the Bill of Rights consists of the first 10 amendments to the constitution.

Now that I’ve meandered far from bombing Libya, let me tell you what’s really wrong with America: Our education system is one of the world’s worst. We don’t teach anything useful, or anything about the country in which we live. Our teachers are forced to teach kids the things they need to know to pass ridiculously clueless tests that determine if the teachers keep their jobs and their schools keep their funding.

So add that to the list of things that “socialist” countries do so much better than we do. And prepare to bomb Iran.

The check’s in the mail and other lies

Politicians lie on a daily basis. Some of their lies are bigger than others, some hardly register at all. And some they’ve told so often that those of us still using our brains know full well they’re bullshit.

Unfortunately, my dear colleagues appear to have just fallen off the turnip truck this morning — or whatever morning the latest whopper came out — and believe everything they see and hear.

That’s what those unscrupulous SOBs are counting on — except they were only targeting the “real Americans” who can’t be bothered with actually looking into the veracity of any given statement themselves. Plus, these guys lie with such abandon that it really is difficult to keep up.

But I imagine the must be beside themselves with glee that my beloved colleagues are exactly the same, except they have cameras and newsprint and broadcast waves to propagate their stenography. Overpaid steno pool girls, the lot of ‘em.

So, in case you’re having any difficulty discerning the truth, I’ve compiled a handy scorecard.

It’s all about the budget

Really? So that’s why Gov. Scott Walker and his Republican apparatchiks stripped all the actual budgetary measures out of their bill so they could pass the two pieces they really wanted: busting the union and setting up the sale of Wisconsin’s nuke plants to people like the Koch Brothers, who, incidentally, were big funders of Walker’s campaign. And since Walker et al were so successful, now we’re seeing a whole slew of union busting bills in state legislatures, all sans budgetary measures. All about the budget? No. All about busting unions and making rich people richer.

There is no danger from violent, right-wing extremists

Really? That’s because the folks saying that want to keep that option open, and the best way to do that is to deny it exists. And besides, these are people who regularly tout “Second
Amendment remedies” to solve the problems in their minds, when they’re not misrepresenting actual history and geography. But it’s a lie. Why, just recently, Seattle police arrested a white supremacist and charged him with planting a backpack full of explosives along the route of the city’s Martin Luther King Day march route. And that’s just the latest. Meanwhile, conservatives float fake videos to make the protests in Wisconsin look violent and whine that the “rhetoric” will end with somebody getting hurt. No kidding. Just that it’s their side with the violent rhetoric. Meanwhile, my colleagues can’t get past the false equivalency “both sides do it” lie.

And speaking of fake videos …

James O’Keefe caught NPR with its pants down

Really? James O’Keefe? The guy who has never once put out a video he didn’t edit dramatically to tell the story he wanted to tell? Now, it’s already been said that Ron Schiller said some things he shouldn’t have — even after the full video has been seen. But it’s also clear that O’Keefe moved things around and left out others to make it much worse than it was. Again. You didn’t hear, for example, Schiller tell the faux Muslims that they cannot buy the kind of coverage they were seeking from NPR. Nor did we hear that the most egregious things he said were quotes from Republican donors — he did not dispute them, but they were not his original thoughts.

Here is the pattern: “Sting” somebody, edit the tape and put it out, my colleagues will jump all over it, a knee-jerk reaction will cost jobs and funding, release the full video when the message is already out and it’s too late, claim you were being open and transparent when what you were really doing is putting out fodder for Republicans in Congress.

Here’s what these videos are about: Defunding and discrediting non-conservative organizations — generally any organization that does something other than promoting the aggregation of wealth at the top of the food chain and especially not organizations that try to help those at the bottom — preferably ones that generally have a good reputation in the real mainstream. ACORN was the test case, an easier mark. NAACP, Planned Parenthood, CNN, NPR. Let’s see, who could be next? They’re not very fond of AARP for supporting the “job-killing” health care reform bill. The American Cancer Society? The Red Cross? Public Citizen? The Children’s Defense Fund? The League of Women voters? CBS? The New York Times?

Here’s more proof to the lie: Wingnut Sen. Jim DeMented was ranting this week about NPR executives making more money than the president and that if they can afford to pay their CEOs more than the prez, they ought not have federal funding. Really? Public broadcasting’s chief execs made about $600,000 for one and $1.2 million for the other, compared to the president’s $400,000.  That is a lot. But, Sen. DeMented, what about all those bank execs who make tens of millions into the billions and got bailout money?

In the federal government, the president makes about 25 times the lowest paid employees. In the private world, the last number we saw on that came from several years ago — 263 times the little people. And that all came in the last, oh, 30 years. Since Reagan. Before that, about 25:1. With a higher tax rate on the higher portions of income that kept government going.

But I guess that’s to be expected now that the “Me” generation, ushered in by Saint Ronnie, has morphed into the crotchety old “Me First, Fuck the Rest of You” generation.

James O’Keefe? Just a tool.

Speaking of “job-killing” …

The Republican budget will create jobs

Really? Then why do all independent estimates of the effect on jobs of the GOP budget say it will cost jobs? Upwards of a million? Yeah, the Republican budget will create jobs. In India, China and Mexico. Again, because that’s what it’s all about — making labor costs cheaper for the rich people, cutting the taxes on the rich people and making sure they don’t have to pay for a goddamned thing.

Republicans are on the side of the little people, the “real” Americans

Really? Anyone who still believes that is … well, never mind. But get your freakin’ head out of the sand.

Everything else — the abortion debate, the gay debate, the immigration debate, the foreign affairs debate (well, partly on that one — some of that debate is aimed at limiting tax dollars going to foreign countries, except for the ones we like, and therefore reducing the tax burden on the rich), every last one of ‘em is just a smokescreen for the real agenda — increasing the wealth of the wealthy.

The conservatives were mighty pissed off at the end of the Robber Baron era, and now that we’re more than a century gone from that and only stupid liberals actual think about how history informs the present, it’s time to bring it back.

The bottom line is that it’s still all about greed. As I’ve said over and over, I don’t understand why anyone would need all that money, except to be extravagant, and even then, you’d have a ton left over. For what? Kinda makes me laugh — all the right wing conspiracy theories about a liberal New World Order in which the rich people collude with the government to run the world — that’s what’s happening. Except it’s a conservative New World Order. And in that, the conspiracy theorists are right — it’s dangerous and very bad for the people.


Let these be guidestones to an age of reason

Conservatives don’t seem to think much of the New World Order, whatever it is. In fact, they hate the idea so much — check that: the FEAR the idea so much — that for decades they’ve completely controlled the message about the New World Order — what it is, who’s behind it, what they want, how they’ll do it.

To hear them tell it, it’s some nefarious something or other funded by billionaires who want to control everything about our lives — how we live, what we read, who we marry, what we do with what little money they allow us to have, how we vote. Who can vote.

Mmm. Project much? That’s sorta been the conservative modus operandi for a while, though. Blame liberals and progressives for what they do. You know, like how godless and immoral we are, Newt Gingrich. David Vitter. Chris Lee.

Glenn Beck is the current Konspiracy King. Unless you want your head to ache as much as mine, don’t try to figure it out. Glenn and an awful lot of Republicans like to hang out with the original conspiracy monger, a dude named Alex Jones. There are others. Of course there are others.

They’ve all got dozens, if not hundreds, of New World Order conspiracies, no small number of which conflict with others. I guess if you’re gonna go all Konspiracy Kook then it’s a good idea to have as many as you can, that way when one doesn’t work out, you’ve got a failsafe.

On the other hand, if you’re a good conspiracist, then nothing anybody can ever say to you will change your mind, because, of course, the proof against their nuttiness is, to them, proof of the conspiracy. Don’t ask me. I don’t get it either.

Anyway, all of these hideously awful things are designed to Control Us and Make Us Do The Bidding Of The Evil Masters. And be vewy vewy careful — because our would-be masters are so sneaky, the bastards make it sound like a good thing! But it’s not! Don’t buy it!

So they think a group called the Bilderberg Group, about 140 influential politicians, businessfolk, military and media folk that meets once a year to talk about the state of the world and brainstorm ideas to help, is plotting to take over the world. It’s all so secret, you see. Actually, the only thing that’s secret is what they talk about — the attendees are quite public. And the reason what goes on in the meetings is kept secret is … well, just take a look at, oh, say, CNN’s Political Ticker and count how may pieces of utter bullshit have been strung up there with no context whatsoever in order to stir up controversy. If I were invited, I’d want to be able to talk openly without Politico asking Sarah Palin what she thinks about what I said.

Same with the Trilateral Commission, which is an organization that fosters better relations between Europe, the United States and Japan. Barry Goldwater had a hard time with them.

In my view, the Trilateral Commission represents a skillful, coordinated effort to seize control and consolidate the four centers of power: political, monetary, intellectual, and ecclesiastical. All this is to be done in the interest of creating a more peaceful, more productive world community. What the Trilateralists truly intend is the creation of a worldwide economic power superior to the political governments of the nation-states involved.

Gee, what’s the problem?

Well, it’s actually pretty simple. And I’m gonna ‘splain it all to you. Well, some of it anyway. And I’m gonna use what people like Alex Jones and Glenn Beck call “Humanity’s Tombstone” to do it.

On a low hill in eastern Georgia, not too far from the South Carolina state line, there stands some gigantic slabs of Georgia granite — four of them, with a capstone on top and a central stone. They are inscribed on each side, with the same thing, but in the eight modern languages — English, Spanish, Swahili, Hindi, Hebrew, Arabic, Chinese and Russian. There’s also a shorter message, written in four ancient languages — Babylonian cuneiform, classical Greek, Sanskrit and Egyptian hieroglyphics.

And boy, let me tell you. These Konspiracy Klowns really pull out all the stops to make the Georgia Guidestones the most evil thing on the planet.

What do they say? Here ya go:

  • Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature
  • Guide reproduction wisely — improving fitness and diversity
  • Unite humanity with a living new language
  • Rule passion — faith — tradition — and all things with tempered reason
  • Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts
  • Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court
  • Avoid petty laws and useless officials
  • Balance personal rights with social duties
  • Prize truth — beauty — love — seeking harmony with the infinite
  • Be not a cancer on the earth — Leave room for nature — Leave room for nature

Oh my fucking god! It’s the fucking end of the fucking world! Let’s see what’s so horrible about them.

Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.

The New World Orderists wasted no time telling us exactly what they plan for us on this one. They’re going to commit genocide and kill 6 billion people. That’s what this means. No, really. There are 6.5 billion people on the planet now, which you and both know is far too many, and the only way to get it down to 500 million is to KILL US. Now, I don’t know about you, but if I planned on killing 6 billion people, I’m thinking I wouldn’t make it the first thing I carved into stone for everybody to read. But if I were living in, say, the late 1970s, when the Georgia Guidestones were put up, I might be a little worried we were all going to kill ourselves, what with all the war and all, and maybe I’d like to think that if we survive, or some of us do, maybe we’ll get our shit together and realize we cannot feed 10 billion people on this rock. Perpetual balance with nature and all, y’know.

Guide reproduction wisely — improving fitness and diversity

Eugenics! They’re going to create a fucking master race!!!!! Arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Stop them!

Have you ever seen puppies from a puppy mill? That’s where they keep the momma dogs in perpetual pregnancy and nursing. The puppies, bless their little hearts, suffer for it, too. They’re weaker just from the fact that they’re moms are at the point of exhaustion all the time. That’s kinda what we do here on this planet. Yay! Go ahead, have all the babies you want (or in the case of an awful lot of women, you DON’T want but are forced to have). If we were to actually use our big brains — “wisely” — we probably would be creating a much more fit and diverse population. But that’s telling us what to do! China! Be fruitful and multiply! Yeah, and overcrowd the fucking planet with morons. See above.

Chill, little frightened humans. You just ain’t that important.

Unite humanity with a living new language

Now, this one is downright funny, because some of the Kornspiracists think that the Georgia Guidestones are some kind of modern Tower of Babel, you know, what with saying the same thing in eight languages. I was thinking more along the lines of the Rosetta Stone myself, but let’s go along with this. See, according to the Only Religion That Matters, the Judeo-Christian one, the big sky father, jealous of humans who could actually build physical towers and were trying to build one to reach him — hey, I woulda been honored they wanted to come see me — and so handed out a gazillion new languages so they couldn’t talk with one another anymore and had to stop work on the tower. I don’t think I have to go into the preposterousness of that particular biblical story. But anyway, here, the authors of the guidestones say we should go back to that one language, that maybe if we all didn’t have so many nuances and complete and utter fuckups when we try to translate each other that maybe we’d get along better.

Of course, if I were a Konservative Konspiracy Kretin, I’d probably still want the langauges to be different because I wouldn’t want people to understand each other — good grief, how can we exploit fear and anger if we don’t need Men In Suits to tell us what the other people are thinking and saying and doing?

Rule passion — faith — tradition with tempered reason

Now what could possibly be wrong with that? Huh? Be reasonable about our passions, our faith and our traditions. Not too hard to figure out, really. If you’re gonna be reasonable, that means you’re not gonna get to shout down the people who know what they’re talking about with your outlandish superstitions and mythologies. Now, nobody says you can’t have those — you’re welcome to believe whatever you want, to have faith in a fucking monument in rural Georgia or whatever. But reason would tell you that you cannot possibly know shit and all your attempts to force everyone else to believe as you do says but one thing: that you are so insecure in yourselves that you cannot bare for anyone to disagree with you.

And that’s why Konservatives and Konspiracy Kreators hate reason.

Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts

Whoops! The Guidestone creators screwed this one up for the Konspiracists. “Protect people and NATIONS” … kinda defeats the purpose of a one world government, doncha think? But this is a bad thing because … because … SHARIA LAW! Who’s gonna decide what’s fair and just? And what if we think those people or those nations don’t deserve to be treated fairly and justly? I mean, what if they’re terrorists? Or or or heathens! Communists! Socialists! Black people! Oops. Never mind that last one. We’re not racist. But illegal immigrants!

Fair and just. Fair and just.

Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court

OK, seriously, again, the “nations” thing. Personally, I don’t have a problem with a one world government. It cannot possibly be worse than what we have now. But if we can’t, then this isn’t so bad — nations, do you’re own thing inside your borders (being reasonable, and all that) and if you have conflicts with each other, then we go to a world court instead of shooting at each other. It’s like neighbors, you know. My neighbor and I may be having a dispute over who actually owns the tree that fell on my car. But we don’t start shooting at each other. We go to court, or to mediation.

Ahhhh … but we can’t do that on an international level, now can we? Because we might lose. And if the world court says that Israel needs to fucking stop building settlements in the West Bank, then we can’t just go along with that! Israel! Terrorists! The Holy Land! Armageddon! Ooops. Forget that last. That was a slip. We’re not waiting for the End Times here.

Somehow, I suspect the Georgia Guidestones may have been written for after the End Times. And maybe it’ll all work out all right if that’s the case. After all, our religious zanies will have all been raptured and we can finally relax.

Avoid petty laws and useless officials

You can probably sort out for yourself why the Konservative Konspiracists would be a little upset about this one. Most of them would be on the “shun” list. And where would America be without petty laws?

Balance personal rights with social duties

This one should be pretty obvious too. Just look at Congressional Republicans. This one goes against their entire philosophy, which, if it were on the Georgia Guidestones, would say, “Me first and fuck you.”

Prize truth – beauty – love – seeking harmony with the infinite

This is another one that would seem awfully good to me. But remember, according to the Krazy Konspiracists, the One World Orderists say things that sound good so you won’t know how evil they are. Like, who’s gonna decide what truth, beauty and love are? And seeking harmony with the infinite? That’s some New Age hokey pokey that’s they’re gonna use to make us all have the same religion, right?

“The infinite” — I have an understanding of what that means to me on a spiritual level, and frankly, it makes much more sense than any of the crap I’ve heard out of the world’s religions. I really don’t care if you believe what I believe — but if you can, just imagine that “the infinite” is what might be called “god” or “allah” or any kind of supreme being that is neither supreme nor an actual being. Seek harmony with the infinite. Isn’t that what the religions are supposed to about, seeking to become one with god, however god is understood? Or … just simply to seek harmony with the earth, very easily done after death but taking a little work before hand. The earth is pretty infinite. Oh, sure, someday it’ll blow up, or crash into the sun, or get hit by an asteroid or something, but the building blocks of this planet ain’t goin’ nowhere.

So to my way of thinking, this one’s just a reminder that we are far from what we humans really should be doing.

Be not a cancer on the earth – Leave room for nature – Leave room for nature

Seriously. Be not a cancer on the earth. In typical Konservative fashion, the Krazies think this one ties in the first one. They believe this one shows that the evil one worlders believe humans are a cancer on the earth and need to be considerably culled. Well, to be honest, some humans are. And if we weren’t so busy trying to pretend that selfish bastards are anything but selfish bastards, we’d realize that. They don’t need to be culled though. They just need to be treated like the selfish bastards they are. Same goes for companies that pollute. For governments that think pouring more concrete is progress.

There’s a reason it says “leave room for nature” twice.

Well, there you have it. The New World Order, the One World Government. The evil that will be foisted upon us if the Tea Party doesn’t gain control of the Senate and the White House in 2012.

We need a new world order, and soon. The Tea Party would have us go back to their delusional visions of a past that never was when I — we — want to go forward to a vision of a better world that we can have if we drop the pretenses of being masters of the earth — and of other people.

The Konspiracists don’t like things like the Georgia Guidestones because they scare the bejesus out of ‘em. It means they need to change their entire view of everything, and for most people, that’s just too damned frightening. But they can’t admit that either, so they play the straw man game — the evil billionaires want to tell us what to do! Individual rights! The second amendment!

Such short sightedness. So sad. When I read something like the Georgia Guidestones, a little spark of hope for humanity flares. It’s not much, but it gets me through the next barrage of hate and anger and selfishness that passes for humanity out in the real world these days.

It is a little spark of truth, there for all to see, if only they have eyes unfettered by the ugliness of those who would keep us enslaved.

I know you are, but what am I?

Remember back during the previous administration when Karl Rove derogatorily dubbed us “the reality-based community?” Ah, those were the days, when up was down, right was wrong and Saddam Hussein had the Bomb.

Except he didn’t, it wasn’t and we have only gotten worse since George W gave up cowboyin’ and brush-cuttin’ for a gated community outside Dallas and the socialist-fascist Muslim black guy from Kenya moved into the White House.

It’s not all his fault, of course. Some of it is. Like this headline I read just this morning saying Obama as gonna cut the cord on Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, because the Republicans say those programs were responsible for our current mortgage crisis, and lord knows, if the Republicans say it often enough, then we know it must be true despite the complete lack of evidence.

Facts? We don’t need no stinkin’ facts. Never have, never will.

There’s likely a dozen reasons the president does shit like that all the damn time, most apparently having to do with this delusion he has that the Republicans actually give a good goddamn about cooperating in the governing of the country, or even doing the right thing. They don’t, on either account, and they’ve made it quite clear.

The real problem here, though, is not that the president is operating under such a delusion, but that my colleagues are. See, if we had actual journalists operating in Washington instead of a bunch of preening gasbags who like to fancy themselves “experts,” they’d be asking some real questions that would make these bozos we’ve elected to “represent” us squirm.

Because they don’t have the answers.

Yes, my friends. We’ve got us one super deluxe extra large humongous case of an entire government full of emperors with not one stitch of clothing.

No worries, though, cuz my beloved colleagues ain’t about to bite the hand that feeds ‘em.

But boy if they did. Can you imagine? What if somebody said to John Boehner, “Mr. Speaker, why are you so hell-bent on repealing the Affordable Health Care Act when polls show a sad minority want that, and in fact most Americans are fine with the act as it is or think it doesn’t go far enough?”

Here’s another one. Let’s ask this one of the secretary of state. “Madame Secretary, why are you standing back and quietly allowing Hosni Mubarak to pretend he’s going to make changes when all he’s doing is replacing one set of cronies with another?”

And here’s one for my colleagues: What the bloody hell is wrong with you? It is painfully obvious to everyone who isn’t you that whatever is going on up there that you’re supposed to be the bloody watchdog for is AFU, and yet you blythely go along pretending everything is all hunky-dory.

Breaking news: Washington is broken, America’s people are slowly bleeding to death and you’re getting your tuxes ready for the next White House correspondents’ dinner, preferably one with a bland and boring comedian who doesn’t mention any embarrassing truths about how much you suck at your jobs.

This ain’t rocket science. If you can’t look around and see for yourselves the ruins of a once-decent democracy, then I gotta tell ya, I’m worried about your sanity. Been watching too much Glenn Beck? Speaking of whom, dear colleagues o’ mine, tell the truth — the man is batshit insane. So is Michele Bachmann, Jim DeMented, that loon Christine O’Donnell who still thinks of herself as someone to be taken seriously.

The problem of course is that people do take these nuts seriously. And why? Because, beloved colleagues, you suck at your jobs. You won’t challenge these people when they lie. You won’t ask the questions that will make them defend the indefensible. You just let it all keep going as if it actually makes sense.

NewsFlash: It makes no sense whatsoever. Anybody with half a brain should be able to tell that the Republican “budget” plans won’t create a single job but will guarantee that the rich, already obscenely rich, will just get richer — and that’s the plan! Drown government in the bathtub! Seriously, do you think it’s just coincidence that the spread between CEO and worker pay has ballooned in the past 30 years? Used to be 20 to 1 or so. Now? closer to 500 to 1. Base wages for us little people have been stagnant in that time. Not so for the rich guys. And still, we just blinked away the renewal of ridiculous tax cuts for those who need them the least, while money that could actually help American citizens who desperately need it is stuck up the asses of constipated politicians.

Yes, politicians. We have no legislators, only politicians. Nobody is working for the common welfare. Every damn one of them is working for re-election, doing and saying whatever they think will get them the most votes, all the while swearing they are the spiritual descendants of the founding fathers.

The founding fathers are rolling in their graves.

That’s another one for my colleagues. Stop letting people who clearly have no clue whatsoever about the history of their country or the documents it was founded on pretend they do. Call them out. When they dress up in colonial outfits and call themselves the “tea party,” remind them that the original tea party was a protest against a too cozy relationship between government and a corporation. Stop breathlessly reporting every incoherent utterance of the Quitta from Wasilla as if it matters. It doesn’t. She isn’t going to run for president and she would lose badly if she did. She’s just out to make a buck, which, apparently, is the only thing that actually matters in this godforsaken country anymore.

It certainly isn’t protecting human rights, not of our own citizens or anybody else’s. See Egypt, democracy and Egypt, dictatorship. Which one has a picture of a smiling Uncle Sam?

On what planet is waterboarding not torture? Oh, right. THIS ONE.

Evolution? Yeah, a theory. Like relativity. Like gravity. Like, as in SCIENCE. Quit pretending to not “believe in” evolution is just another opinion. It’s called IGNORANCE. And speaking of ignorance, don’t get me started on religion.

There are still some good journalists out there. But they’re too busy shivering out in the freezing cold so they can bring you the shocking news that it snows in the winter in the Midwest. But those pretenders inside the Beltway? They’ve lost their way — and the truly sad part is that they don’t even know they have. But the part that pisses me off is that their bosses, who really should know better, are just as deluded.

It’s no wonder the “real Americans,” and by that I mean actual real Americans, not the narrow slice of Americana that conservatives see as the only real Americans, are as sick of us journos as they are of the callous and uncaring professional politician set. Two sides, same coin. And stamped in worthless tin.

Right wing lies my mother believes

There are lies, and then there are lies. My mother, repressed soul that she is, committed a lie of omission that left me terrified for several of my youthful years. According to my mother, I had to get married before I got pregnant, and I could get pregnant at any time.

She left out the part about sperm. And eggs. And fertilization. And having sex.

There were a lot of things my mother couldn’t explain to me adequately, and a lot more she never even tried to explain.  She never tried to explain why her entire family went to church religiously (heh. Pun intended), as did my dad’s, but we didn’t. Instead, my sister and I went to every vacation bible school in the area during the summer.

As religious education goes, VBS isn’t too bad. In fact, it mostly goes against the fiery sermons held upstairs in the nave. In VBS, I sang “Jesus loves the little children (red and yellow black and white, they are precious in his sight)”  a lot — at every church. I guess Jesus doesn’t love adults of every color — just the children.

Later, I learned that because my mom and dad came from two very different protestant denominations, they were anathemitized by their respective churches. Lesson: Don’t ever let the Christianists tell you they’re all they same. They hate each other as much as they do us. But of course they do. They can’t ALL be the One True Way, which they all claim. It’s one big house of cards that would utterly collapse if they didn’t spend all their time focusing on the things outside themselves that they fear.

But this is about Right Wing Lies My Mother Believes. Like, she believes that Obama raised her taxes. Even when I show her on her tax forms how that’s not true, she gives me that blank look of someone who just heard something in a language she doesn’t understand and doesn’t care to.

My mother believes that George W. Bush was a great president, but when I point out that all the things she complains about — most having to do with her health care — originated on his watch, well, it’s that blank stare again.

I don’t know if she believes the president is a Muslim, or if he was  born in Kenya. Wouldn’t surprise me. After all, my sister the Democrat had trouble voting for him because she heard he was Muslim.

There were no Muslim Vacation Bible Schools. Or Jewish ones either, for that matter.

My mom also buys into the “unemployment checks make you lazy” meme. Here, the right wing establishment has fostered a whole industry — the “you’re on your own” industry.  Only lazy people get unemployment. Only lazy people who won’t work get food stamps. Government shouldn’t be in the business of propping up lazy people who won’t get off their fat asses and get to work. Better save that money to prop up fat assed dictators who do our outsourced torture for us.

How many applicants for each job opening are there now? Five? Ten? Fifty? One hundred? A thousand?

Let’s not even get started on the Mexicans who are taking all our jobs and using taxpayer money to better themselves. The horror. Oh, and they’re dangerous ne’erdowells too, out to cut you first chance they get. Not at all like the nice white boys who keep blowin’ up the trailer cookin’ meth.

And speaking of jobs, there’s the outrageous pension plans public employees have. Don’t make me laugh.

And just try explaining to her that the economic stimulus plan worked — as far as it went — and would have gone farther and worked better if not Republican obstruction. But then, my mother doesn’t remember hearing that the No. 1 item for Republicans in the next two years is not to better our country or to work for the common good, but to make sure the black guy doesn’t get re-elected.

Danny Goldberg penned this at The Nation last November, just after the election.

Almost half of the public is either misinformed or subject to unanswered right wing narratives. If I believed that there was a chance of Sharia law being imposed in the United States I too would be gravely concerned. If I believed that most Europeans and Canadians had inferior health care to that of average Americans, I too would be against health care reform. If I believed that man-made global warning did not exist or that there were nothing we could do about it and that environmental efforts were responsible for unemployment I’d be against cap and trade. If I believed that prisoner abuse would make my family significantly less likely to be killed by terrorists, my thinking about torture would be different. And if I believed that the problems with the economy had been caused by too much government instead of too little, that my personal freedom was threatened by the government instead of large corporations, I’d probably be in a tea party supporter and a Republican.

And my parents don’t even have cable, so they don’t watch Fox. They rarely listen to radio and wouldn’t know where or when Rush Limbaugh was on anyway. They have a regional newspaper, quite right wing, that most of the time can’t even get the bullshit itself right. But still, these things they believe.

Or don’t believe. Like, the United States military budget is more than that of the rest of the world combined. And still it can’t win wars. Y’know, the history of warfare is a history of radical change Soldier used to line up across the battlefield and then charge in to fight. Some of them even wore red coats. Quite visible, those. Battlefield strategy changed dramatically from the Revolutionary War to the Civil War, and even more from the Civil War to  World War I. I dunno, but I kinda think the best war strategy is not to have wars.

My mother is full of contradictions. Sending me to Vacation Bible School where I learned to love everyone, but warning me when they desegregated my elementary school that she didn’t mind if I talked to ‘em, but I shouldn’t hold their hands. I was fucking eight years old. Really? “Their” turned out to be “her” — one little girl. Most black people had the sense not to live where I come from. Even in the best of times, there are no jobs, unless you pay kickbacks to the pols, and it’s too tough in that rocky soil to even farm. My dad was a mechanic. People had to keep their cars running.

And despite my mother’s weird beliefs, somehow I ended up all right. Well, mostly all right. And, oddly enough, I pretty much ended up the way she wanted me to, although, I dare say, she wouldn’t admit to it.

She always said she wanted me to be happy, to find a job I like and do it well. And she told me to be careful about boys — they’re not very trustworthy — and alcohol.

Or, as that randy actress Tallulah Bankhead (did you know here father was Speaker of the House and that she was both niece and granddaughter to U.S. senators?) once said (say this in the most richly Deep South accent you can think of — ever so slightly a put on accent, since Tallulah was from Huntsville, Alabama, and not Montgomery):

My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine.

The Tea House of Representatives: Back to the bad old days

Conservatives really hate women. Actually, they pretty much hate anyone who isn’t rich, white and male. And Christian. Preferably American. But women, public enemy number one. Even when they’re tired of bashing the queers or finding extremist Muslims under every rock or blaming Mexicans for the lack of jobs or whining about “welfare queens,” they’re never to tired to dream up new and torturous ways to screw women, literally and figuratively.

Take the Tea House of Representatives. Please. Their first order of business was, of course, to repeal health care and make sure that you paid more for less health care, that if you lose your job, and the health insurance that comes with it, and have some terminal disease, you won’t be able to get insurance again and that your kids are shit out of luck if they need insurance.

But their next order of business? Redefining rape. Yep. According to the conservative assholes in the Tea House of Representatives, it isn’t rape unless you have enough bruising and lacerations. Oh, and by the way, incest doesn’t count anymore either. And this is just in a bill that bans federal funding for abortions across the board, except for rape, of course, and provided it was “forcible” enough. No, if you are drugged by some cretin who then has sex with your drug-addled body, it is not rape.

Although I’d be willing to bet if Neil Patrick Harris drugged Rep. Chris Smith, the idiot who wrote this bill, and then had sex with his drug-addled body, Chris would be rushing to change the language in his bill. Probably to say that homosexual rape doesn’t have to be forcible. Fortunately for us, Neil wouldn’t do such a thing, and even if he were inclined to, Chris Smith, R-New Jersey, would not be in the running.

By the way, 173 Tea House Republicans have signed on to co-sponsor little Chrissie’s bill.

Of course, abortion is pretty much the top target for these Tea Housers and other conservative slime. The seem to think that all straight liberal women do is fuck and run out and get abortions, depriving them of overloading the world population even more than it already is. Personally, I’m in favor of some retroactive abortions, but that’s another post.

Anyway, they squawk about killing babies, but that’s not what it’s about at all. It’s about control. Control over women. Barefoot and pregnant. Women should be in the kitchen and not the Tea House. They use the killing babies thing to appeal to the women in their midst, because even they wouldn’t go for it if they understood what it’s really about. The poor little babies.

Personally, I’m not that fond of the idea of abortions myself. I’m never going to have to make that decision for myself, so I can’t say with certainty what I would do if I found myself with an unwanted pregnancy. If I did, it would most certainly be from rape, maybe incest. But what if it weren’t forcible enough for John Boehner?

But here’s the thing: I would prefer that abortions are never necessary, but sometimes they are. And the fucking assholes who say they aren’t have written a bill that changes the definition of rape to “forcible rape.” And that’s precisely why I would never want to see abortions banned. When men can act like human beings instead of sex-crazed animals, maybe. But until then? Fuck you, Chris Smith.

There’s even been some talk among some conservatives about repealing suffrage.

And these jackasses will stoop to anything to try to win — mainly because they know they’re fucking wrong and if they don’t cheat, it won’t happen. But they should seriously reconsider use of the “sting and heavily edited video” operations because so far it’s been an utter failure.

First there was the ACORN sting, which unfortunately wasn’t revealed to be total bullshit until far to late to save the organization. And honestly, ACORN was an easy target. It was loosely organized and really didn’t have tight enough controls on its “volunteers.” Nevertheless, the James O’Keefe video was total bullshit. As was his attempt to bug Sen. Mary Landrieu’s office. He was arrested for that one. And then his benefactor, Andrew Breitbart, ran with the Shirley Sherrod video, which, again unfortunately, was not revealed to be bullshit until the Obama administration, in its haste to kiss the ass of conservatives, had fired her. But the bullshittiness of it was revealed very quickly.

So now the conservatives are playing a tiny little video snippit that purports to show Planned Parenthood staffers helping a guy who says he’s a sex trafficker find a back alley abortion for one of his girls. SEEEEEEE EEEEEEEVVVVIIILLLLL PLLLANNNNNEEDDDDDD PPPPPAAAARRREENNNTTTHOOOODDD! Except that during the four or five days last month that these supposed sex traffickers were visiting several Planned Parenthood offices, Planned Parenthood reported the supposed sex trafficking ring. To Attorney General Eric Holder. AND they said they thought it might be a hoax, too.

Sting FAIL, big guys.

Conservatives really suck at investigative journalism, y’know. They seem to start with what they think is going on, and then they devise “stings” to make what they think is going on go on. Of course, they’re invariably wrong, too. That’s just not how it works.  Wanna know how it works?  Go check out Investigative Reporters and Editors (IRE), which is a 35-year-old non-profit dedicated to improving the quality of investigative reporting.

Hey, wait! I have an idea! Let’s “sting” IRE! We can prove they only care about liberal investigations. Or something.

Do something

This is who America put in charge of the House Oversight Committee:

Darrell Issa, a man who used his power to prevent the ranking Democrat on the committee from using his opening statement to charge that Issa prevented the summoning of a witness from JPMorgan Chase to explain the bank’s role in alleged foreclosure fraud.

This is who Kentuckians, already saddled with a man who likes like a turtle and declared that his main goal for the next two years is to stop Barack Obama from being re-elected, chose to join Mitch McConnell in the Senate:

Rand Paul, a man who declared on CNN he wanted to end all foreign aid. ALL foreign aid. No exceptions. Of course, he also isn’t sure he would have voted for the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

New Mexico. That’s a state that skipped jumping the shark and went all the way to batshit insane. The new governor, Susana Martinez, picked Harrison Schmidt, to head up the state’s environmental concerns. Schmitt, in case the name sounds familiar, is a former astronaut and U.S. senator, who went on conspiracy freak Alex Jones’ radio show to claim that “the environmental movement” is just a bunch of commies scaring people by misusing science.

But then, New Mexico is right next door to Arizona, which is following up its “show your papers” law by banning ethnic studies in public schools and targeting the 14th Amendment because it declares that if you’re born in the United States, you’re a citizen. Can’t have that. The children of illegal immigrants might send secret messages to their mothers from the womb, forcing them to risk life and limb to illegally cross the border so they can be born here and eventually run for president.

By the way, the aforementioned Paul and the diaper-wearing pig senator from Louisiana, David Vitter, are introducing legislation to amend that birthright citizenship thing right out of the Constitution. Which I think means that Alberto Gonzales would never have gotten to be a judge or attorney general of the United States.

Michele Bachmann.

Rep. Paul Broun, M.D., R-Georgia, can tweet. “Mr. President, you don’t believe in the Constitution. You believe in socialism.” Obviously, the Queen has not taught him how to abbreviate appropriately. But Broun wouldn’t know a socialist if one bit him, not unlike the others of his ilk. If Obama were a socialist, Tim Geithner would not get a White House tour, let alone be Treasury Secretary. Broun also didn’t want to sit with any Democrats during the State of the Union and listen to while Obama “spews his venom.” Right after the 2008 election, he declared that Obama was gonna establish a “Gestapo-like” security force to impose a “Marxist dictatorship.” He’s also said he’s afraid Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Obama would unleash a pandemic disease or use a natural disaster to declare martial law. Last year, he told Republicans in Georgia that Obama has what he needs to declare himself a dictator: “a national police force, gun control and control over the press.” I guess that’s not too weird for a guy who still calls the Civil War “The Great War of Yankee Aggression.” The man is seriously deranged. And a doctor. I wouldn’t see him for a hangnail.

Rush Limbaugh did a little racist mocking of the Chinese president last week. That’s OK though, because he’s Rush Limbaugh. Apparently California State Sen. Leeland Yee didn’t get the memo. He demanded that Limbaugh apologize. Limbaugh, of course, ranted about Yee, who promptly received faxed death threats from someone who said that Limbaugh would “kick your chink ass and expose you for the fool you are.” The San Francisco Chronicle:

The anonymous faxes, laced with racial epithets and misspellings, were addressed to “JoBama Rectum Sniffing Moron LEELAND LEE” and call Yee a “fish head,” according to a copy provided by Yee’s office.

The faxes include a drawing of a U.S. flag-adorned pickup truck towing a noose that is looped around what appears to be a caricature head of President Barack Obama. The document says: “Without exceptions, Marxists are enemies of the United States Constitution! Death to all Marxists! Foreign and Domestic!”

Lila Rose, the female version of James O’Keefe, went after a more sophisticated target than O’Keefe. She tried to punk Planned Parenthood, which, being 100 years old and knowing a thing or two about assholes, especially since O’Keefe and Andrew Breitbart have been so obvious about the tactic, didn’t fall for it. Instead, they notified the Justice Department after several of their offices were visited by men who were very pushy about wanting to set up health care for the underaged girls who were part of their sex trafficking rings.

John Boehner. He’s giving the keynote address at an insurance industry conference’s “lobbying day.”

We won’t be getting filibuster reform. Harry Reid and McConnell came up with a devil’s brew that keeps anything like that from happening. Instead, Harry promised that the Democrats would let the Republicans add a couple of amendments to bills and Mitch promised the Republicans wouldn’t filibuster as much. Oh, and it takes 67 votes to change the rules of the Senate.

Republicans lie. Democrats are just stupid.

And while they’re at it, Republicans are trying to eliminate the OPTIONAL public finance of presidential elections, because for some reason they think that will decrease the deficit. I have a better idea. Eliminate the private finance of presidential elections — in fact, of ALL elections. Let media provide some free ad space — a limited amount — hold some debates. Provide some funding for mailings. NO ROBO-CALLS. Think about it. And try to make it happen, although neither side wants any restrictions on the amount of bullshit they can put out in an election. Too bad, I say.

And Tea Partiers, your next president thinks that the launch of a shiny, 23-inch diameter, 184-pound ball with four antennae attached in 1957 caused the collapse in 1991 of the Soviet Union. Ah, hell. You probably do too. But I always thought it was Saint Ronnie. TPers, your next president needs to stick with one story.

And for the record, here’s what did it in a nutshell:

  • Gorbachev opened the political system
  • Gorbachev trashed the 5-year plan economic system
  • The Cold War ended.
  • Eastern Europe started dropping its communists.

All of those things started years earlier, of course — but the bottom line was that the Soviet system was too rigid and dogmatic. Its rigidity and dogmatism, which ultimately killed it, also kept it standing long after the Union had breathed its last. Kinda like those jeans you say are so filthy they can stand on their own.

And finally, WTF? I mean, really. The half-term governor of Alaska, and the Tea Party’s next president, went on and on about Obama’s “Winning the Future” theme, making snide little WTF comments … like some high school sophomore or left wing blogger who likes to mispronounce Boehner. Not presidential, folks. Not at all.

I tell you all this just because I see it. I can’t get away from it, and I think you should see it too, and not just gloss over it. Drink it in. Remember it. Tell your parents, aunts and uncles. Your grandparents. Your children. Your boss, your dentist. Anybody. Everybody. You don’t even have to deliver the news with much editorial comment, unless you’re like me and can’t resist the snark. But the problem should be obvious.

We’re fucked. Unless we do something about it.