Tag Archives: CNN

Bachmann Palin Overdrive

I know you’re going to be disappointed. But I just can’t help it. I have seen the light. I know the truth. It hurts, but it’s there in plain bright kleig lights.

I have become a Teabagger.

No, seriously. A Tea Party Teabagger.

How did this happen, you may ask?

Well, I’ve been watching The Most Trusted Name In News, and I’ve seen it all there. The real truth. From the Best Political Team On Television.

Erick Erickson, for example — the newest member of the BPTOT — he’s been very convincing in John King’s living room set. Well, actually, John King is in the living room set. Erickson is on via satellite feed, presumably from Atlanta, World Headquarters of The Most Trusted Name In News.

But even better is reading Erickson’s site, Red State. He cleaned up all his Tweets, you know, so CNN would hire him. So you can’t find him calling David Souter a “child-molesting goat-fucker” — although cracks about “ugly feminists” turned up as recently as February — and until now you couldn’t find him suggesting we go beat our congresscritters to a bloody pulp. But I guess he figured that was OK, cuz it’s back.

At what point do the people tell the politicians to go to hell? At what point do they get off the couch, march down to their state legislator’s house, pull him outside, and beat him to a bloody pulp for being an idiot?

“Bloody pulp” seems to be a favorite phrase at Red State, by the way. Searching for that phrase found two pages of links, plus the “similar links omitted” standard, including a reference to beating “Obama’s ass to a bloody pulp” and a suggestion that Sarah Palin should beat Levi Johnston “to a bloody pulp.”

I would suggest getting a little more creative with the terminology, but what else are you gonna do with idiot Democrats and lying liberals? They won’t listen to reason.

Reason, you know, like Obama was born in Kenya. Or somewhere. Just not the United States. He needs to show us his birth certificate, and not that official one from Hawaii that he showed to FactCheck.org. We know that one’s fake because Hawaii is in on the cover-up. And also not that fake generator one from the Internet. Hell, I’ve got a birth certificate from that one that shows I was born in Kenya.

And I agree with Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, you know. All this brouhaha about Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell dissing slavery as any kind of important issue, it don’t amount to diddly. Everybody knows blacks are better off because of slavery. Without that, they might still be in Zimbabwe living under Robert Mugabe. Or they might have died in the Rwandan genocide. Or they might be dead from malaria because the pansy-assed Democrats over here banned DDT, which does a damn good job of killing those pesky mosquitos.

And besides, TMTNIN had on Mr. H.K. Edgerton, a black confederate re-enactor, who said it’s a tragedy the way America won’t let the South’s side get told and it’s just not true that if the South had won the War of Northern Aggression then blacks would have it even worse than they did today. And de-segregation was  a Northern plot to further demonize the South, which was filled with good, honorable men.

And Candy Crowley is right. The left and the right have gone overboard with their violent rhetoric. A teachers’ union — a fucking teachers’ union! — is praying for the death of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie.

Dear Lord this year you have taken away my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress, Farrah Fawcett, my favorite singer, Michael Jackson, and my favorite salesman, Billy Mays. I just wanted to let you know that Chris Christie is my favorite governor.

Now, the liberals say that’s just a joke. But boy howdy when we say something is just a joke, they get their panties all in a wad and say we can’t just spit out something, like, say, John Edwards is a fag, and then call it a joke. I’m sure that Rev. Wiley Drake, who said that Dr. George Tiller’s murder is the answer to his prayers and that he’s also praying for the deaths of “B. Hussein Obama” and most other Democrats as well, is just joking too. Jeez, liberals. Lighten up.

And man, I was so wrong about Sarah Palin. I retract every evil thing I said about her when I wrote “Why I Hate Sarah Palin.” What could I have been thinking? She’s obviously for the little guy, like me, and would make a damn good president. She has more experience that Barry Obama, for sure. And hosting that clips show in Fox is gonna give her even more experience. She’ll hear from all kinds of powerful people who’ll speak about what’s good and right in America, although she already knows all that already.

That’s one thing CNN is missing. Sure, they’ve got Erick Erickson, but Fox has Sarah. Maybe they could give a show to Michelle Bachmann? I mean, it was sure cool when she jumped out at that State of the Union address and gave GW Bush a big sloppy one on National TV.

Speaking of which, she’d make a great vice-president for President Sarah Palin, doncha think?  I mean, whatta team. They could make Tom Tancredo secretary of Homeland Security and John Bolton secretary of State, Tom Delay could be secretary of the Treasury and Dick Cheney could head up the CIA AND the FBI. Wow. That would be so super.

And if Sarah gets tired of the $400K salary, well, Michelle will be ready to step in.

I can see it now.

Palin 2012/Bachman 2013.

So, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but they don’t call me The Most Twisted Name In News for nothing.

Troubled waters

Ruh roh. Looks like the Grand Old Party is having some serious problems.

Couldn’t happen to a bunch of nicer guys.

First, Tony Perkins, the Jim Dobson protege who heads up the Family Research Council, calls on members to stop donating to the Republican National Committee.

I’ve hinted at this before, but now I am saying it–don’t give money to the RNC. If you want to put money into the political process, and I encourage you to do so, give directly to candidates who you know reflect your values.

Tony’s all upset onaccounta the RNC paid $2,000 for some young studs to go to a simulated lesbian bondage strip act. He’s also ticked off that the RNC hired Ted Olsen to do some legal work for them — because Olsen, a tried and true conservative — argued in favor of gay marriage before the California Supreme Court in the Prop 8 challenge.

Sarah Palin’s ticked at the RNC too. They won’t take her name off an invitation to the Southern Republican Leadership Conference, where she will be speaking. Seems she thinks the invitation makes it sound like she’ll be attending fundraisers, which she won’t. She’ll just be speaking. And for a handsome fee, I’m sure.

Speaking of Palin, y’gotta love Fox News, which hired her to host an interview show. Only apparently she won’t actually be conducting the interviews. Those will be recorded god knows how long ago. LL Cool J got wind of this and protested, so Fox sent out its usually snippy response, referring to Cool as “Mr. Smith,” his real name being James Todd Smith, and saying they are surprised he wouldn’t want to be a part of something that’s so positive and wishing him well with “his fledgling acting career.”

Of course, Republicans really have nothing to worry about. Thanks to decades of Republicans screwing with things like education, Americans are now, by and large, pretty stupid, having  been trained their entire lives to believe anything Republicans say, no matter how insane or obviously untrue.

Gotta hand to ‘em on that. To turn millions of rational, thinking adults into couch potato dunces with no ability whatsoever to look at a situation and think it through — on their own — well, that’s quite an accomplishment. It must be true the good guys always finish last.

Also love the Republicans and Teabaggers now falling all over themselves to get distant from the violent, racist, bigoted base. One guy, holding a sign that used the “n” word, actually told reporters he hadn’t seen any racist slogans or anything at Tea Party rallies. Maybe that’s because he was standing behind his own sign.

Others claim nobody called John Lewis “nigger” or Barney Frank “faggot.” They also claimed nobody spit on Emmanuel Cleaver, or they did until a video showing the incident turned up. Nothing like film at 11 to put a stop to that nonsense.

And of course, not a one of the lot said anything about Republican congresscritters egging on the protesters.

They’re also falling all over themselves to get distance from the Christian terrorist cell the FBI busted up in Michigan. Well, except for those who aren’t. They’re saying it’s a free speech issue. Never heard any of ‘em say anything like that about the underwear bomber. Wonder why?

And somehow, I just don’t think building bombs and preparing to kill law enforcement officers is a free speech issue. Call me crazy.

And everybody’s talking about CNN’s ratings fall. Interesting thing about that. CNN’s numbers — the number of views that count in the ratings — hasn’t changed much since last fall when the network was actually beating Fox in some of the night time demographic. What has happened is that there are significantly more viewers for cable news now than then — and virtually all of those new viewers are watching Fox.

Funny thing, that change happened almost overnight at the end of 2008. Right after we elected a black guy president. I’m not sayin’, y’all, I’m just sayin’.

Now, I don’t believe that all Republicans and Teabaggers are scum. I believe that some of them genuinely believe the non-bigoted things they’re saying, when they’re not being bigoted. But I’m pretty damn sure that most of that number have been snookered.

The problem is that it’s pretty clear they oppose things that Democrats support because they fear somebody will get something they don’t deserve and they’ll have to pay for it. And the problem with that is that they think they’re the ones who can decide who’s deserving and who’s not.

There’s the decider for you. How’s that fair and balanced-y thing working out for ya?

Which reminds me. The Catholic Church. Boy oh boy. Well, that’s probably an inappropriate thing to say, or maybe just a pun. Anyway, they’re screwed up the … never mind.

There was a prophet once, kinda Nostradamus-like, who prophesied about the popes who’d be coming up after his pope, Celestine the something. The current pope, Papa Razi? Next to last. Could it be true?

But Bill Donohue, the one-man Catholic League, thinks everything’s just fine with the Catholic Church. Like Tony Perkins. Bill is another guy who just can’t let go of the gay thing, though.What is it about these conservatives that makes them so obsessed with other people’s sex lives anyway? Bill says the church doesn’t have a child abuse problem, it has a homosexual problem, because, apparently, all gay men are pedophiles, something the rest of us know isn’t true because we’ve seen the studies that show most pedophiles are straight, even the ones who abuse boys.

But the quivery-joweled Donohue is another one of those mal-informed folks who can’t be bothered with facts.

No, that would be just too much trouble. Better to leave facts for the weak. Why mess up a perfectly good tirade with silly little facts, huh? Nobody’s gonna believe ‘em anyway. We’ve been taught better than that.