Tag Archives: 2011

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away

I sure hope you didn’t expect one of those year end round up things from me. Aren’t there enough of them already? What could I do that hasn’t been done over and over? Most Valiant Effort to Save Our Sorry Asses?

That would be Alan Grayson, the Florida congressman who told the truth over and over again and lost his seat for his trouble. Maybe Sorriest Excuse for a Financial Regulation Bill? I’ll go out on a limb and say the Restoring American Financial Stability Act of 2010, basically about the government’s substantial largesse toward rich bastards at the expense of everyone else.

Hmmm. Maybe I should reconsider. This could be fun. Maybe Nunzia’s Most, Least and Sorriest of 2010 isn’t such a bad idea.

Ah, but Nunzia’s Most, Least and Sorriest for 2011 might be even better. Like Sorriest Excuse for a Congress. The Republican-led House alone will guarantee the U.S. Congress gets that award, but conservative “Democrats” strangling the Senate mean there’s more than enough on that side of the Capitol to bring the trophy to Washington.

Or Least Likely to Accomplish Anything Useful. The U.S. Congress again, which will also pick up the award for Most Useless Political Body.

Can you tell I have little hope for the 112th Congress? And why would I? Darrell Issa has promised to convene investigative hearings on anything he can think of. Paul Ryan has his eyes on ripping up Medicare. Steve King wants to repeal the health care reform bill and reinstate Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Eric Cantor aims to help the lot of ‘em out, plus use all his power to protect Israel and its nuclear arsenal from a bunch guys with rockets they can’t aim and a lot of rocks. John Boehner, he’ll I have on idea what he’s gonna do, except maybe cry a lot and make sure no tanning salons lose their federal funding.

And the whole lot of ‘em have pledged to make sure that no filthy rich bastard ever pays more than his fair share of taxes, fair share being defined as “as close to nothing as humanly possible.”

How far will they get? As far as they wanna go in the House. In the Senate, depends on how many Democratic senators actually believe the reason so many Republicans won in the House was that Americans actually want a return to the era of the robber barons. And after that, whether the president remembers why he was elected. I’m not holding my breath on any of it.

They’re all gaming for a government shutdown, because they think it’ll work this time. Unlike Newt Gingrich’s total meltdown in 1995. Newt orchestrated this big win in 1994 and then blew it completely by shutting down the government the next year, thus guaranteeing Bill Clinton’s re-election.

But this time, the GOP thinks they’ve got the kinks ironed out. For one thing, they think they’ve convinced their dupes that government employees — who are hurt far worse than the rest of America by a government shutdown — make far more money than the rest of America. They don’t. They’re just represented by a union, and we all know how Republicans feel about unions. They also think they’ve convinced America that the administration and the Democrats are all about spending. They’ve done this by openly painting a picture of an American poor that is undeserving of assistance, that the assistance that goes to help the poor comes at the expense of everyone else. It doesn’t. It’s really just at the expense of the rich bastards, and we just can’t have that.

Best of all, they’ve convinced my colleagues — who, after all, are the ones who feed the party line out to the rest of America — that the deficit, The country’s debt, is the single most important problem facing us. It doesn’t matter that America doesn’t believe that, just that my colleagues do and will dismiss any attempt by anyone to say otherwise. And since Congress pays no attention to actual Americans — only the echo chamber matters — even those members who might otherwise have a clue will vote to send us down the path of no return: more tax cuts for rich bastards who have more than enough of everything and more service cuts for those who desperately need help.

In the end, we’ll be back in some high-tech feudal system, which, ironically, is what my spell check used when I misspelled “federal” earlier. Federal, feudal. Not too far apart right now, soon to be merged. And they will really own us then.

Is it a forgone conclusion? Maybe, maybe not. But it’s starting to look good. There’s very little left now between this and that.

Something major’s gonna have to shift to stop the inevitable

Happy new year … maybe

In a few short hours, 2010 will be relegated to the proverbial dustbins of history, and none to soon. What a year.

I have no intention of reminding you or me of what transpired during this past 365 days. Suffice it to say they’ll not be remembered as days of glory. Shame, perhaps, but only if we wake up soon and smell the coffee, realize that it isn’t coffee at all but some concoction of crude oil and raw sewage and dump it out before any more poor saps drink it and become zombies.

That’s how it really happens, you know. Zombies. They’re all around us. And they do eat brains. Their own. And then, later, yours.

I feel relatively safe here in my little blue city in a red state. From the zombies, I mean. They’re afraid of queers, you know. Afraid it might rub off on ‘em somehow. That’s why they don’t want us in the military, yknow. Good lord, what if we had an entire army of fucking queers? Spartans. Yeah, Spartans. And Spartans can kill zombies, easy.

Worse, of course, is if we get married. Because if the Spartans can marry each other, it automatically nullifies their zombie marriages. For every Spartan couple that marries, TWO zombie marriages die. Sad, isn’t it?

And here in my little blue city in a red state, there are a lot of queers. Spartans. And some are indeed married. To each other. The zombies take one big sniff as they pass by the entrance to the town and just keep right on rolling.

Plus, it really freaks the zombies out that the city council meets in what was once the assembly room of a chapel. Godless heathens. And queers. Spartans, the anti-zombie.

Zombies are welcome, of course, but they never come here. Too damn scared.

But just because me and my 800 or so fellow citizens are safe doesn’t mean our work is done. Besides, we have to leave the safe confines of our city sometimes. There are no grocery stores here, or jobs for that matter, and not enough of us are very good at growing at our food. Besides, they frown on having cows or goats for milk. I think chickens are OK though.

No, we have to keep fighting the make the rest of the world safe from the mindless zombies who stagger across the landscape searching for more brains to devour, and more sewage and crude oil too. We need to stop the rampant outpouring of oil and sewage and find a way to reverse the damage done. I don’t know if there’s anything we can do, especially for those whose brains have been eaten, but we have to try. We’re liberals. We’ll feel guilty if we don’t.

So, 2010 is riding off into the sunset, and 2011 is settling in for a year-long visit.

Let’s make sure we don’t regret the invitation.