Conservatives don’t seem to think much of the New World Order, whatever it is. In fact, they hate the idea so much — check that: the FEAR the idea so much — that for decades they’ve completely controlled the message about the New World Order — what it is, who’s behind it, what they want, how they’ll do it.
To hear them tell it, it’s some nefarious something or other funded by billionaires who want to control everything about our lives — how we live, what we read, who we marry, what we do with what little money they allow us to have, how we vote. Who can vote.
Mmm. Project much? That’s sorta been the conservative modus operandi for a while, though. Blame liberals and progressives for what they do. You know, like how godless and immoral we are, Newt Gingrich. David Vitter. Chris Lee.
Glenn Beck is the current Konspiracy King. Unless you want your head to ache as much as mine, don’t try to figure it out. Glenn and an awful lot of Republicans like to hang out with the original conspiracy monger, a dude named Alex Jones. There are others. Of course there are others.
They’ve all got dozens, if not hundreds, of New World Order conspiracies, no small number of which conflict with others. I guess if you’re gonna go all Konspiracy Kook then it’s a good idea to have as many as you can, that way when one doesn’t work out, you’ve got a failsafe.
On the other hand, if you’re a good conspiracist, then nothing anybody can ever say to you will change your mind, because, of course, the proof against their nuttiness is, to them, proof of the conspiracy. Don’t ask me. I don’t get it either.
Anyway, all of these hideously awful things are designed to Control Us and Make Us Do The Bidding Of The Evil Masters. And be vewy vewy careful — because our would-be masters are so sneaky, the bastards make it sound like a good thing! But it’s not! Don’t buy it!
So they think a group called the Bilderberg Group, about 140 influential politicians, businessfolk, military and media folk that meets once a year to talk about the state of the world and brainstorm ideas to help, is plotting to take over the world. It’s all so secret, you see. Actually, the only thing that’s secret is what they talk about — the attendees are quite public. And the reason what goes on in the meetings is kept secret is … well, just take a look at, oh, say, CNN’s Political Ticker and count how may pieces of utter bullshit have been strung up there with no context whatsoever in order to stir up controversy. If I were invited, I’d want to be able to talk openly without Politico asking Sarah Palin what she thinks about what I said.
Same with the Trilateral Commission, which is an organization that fosters better relations between Europe, the United States and Japan. Barry Goldwater had a hard time with them.
In my view, the Trilateral Commission represents a skillful, coordinated effort to seize control and consolidate the four centers of power: political, monetary, intellectual, and ecclesiastical. All this is to be done in the interest of creating a more peaceful, more productive world community. What the Trilateralists truly intend is the creation of a worldwide economic power superior to the political governments of the nation-states involved.
Gee, what’s the problem?
Well, it’s actually pretty simple. And I’m gonna ‘splain it all to you. Well, some of it anyway. And I’m gonna use what people like Alex Jones and Glenn Beck call “Humanity’s Tombstone” to do it.
On a low hill in eastern Georgia, not too far from the South Carolina state line, there stands some gigantic slabs of Georgia granite — four of them, with a capstone on top and a central stone. They are inscribed on each side, with the same thing, but in the eight modern languages — English, Spanish, Swahili, Hindi, Hebrew, Arabic, Chinese and Russian. There’s also a shorter message, written in four ancient languages — Babylonian cuneiform, classical Greek, Sanskrit and Egyptian hieroglyphics.
And boy, let me tell you. These Konspiracy Klowns really pull out all the stops to make the Georgia Guidestones the most evil thing on the planet.
What do they say? Here ya go:
- Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature
- Guide reproduction wisely — improving fitness and diversity
- Unite humanity with a living new language
- Rule passion — faith — tradition — and all things with tempered reason
- Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts
- Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court
- Avoid petty laws and useless officials
- Balance personal rights with social duties
- Prize truth — beauty — love — seeking harmony with the infinite
- Be not a cancer on the earth — Leave room for nature — Leave room for nature
Oh my fucking god! It’s the fucking end of the fucking world! Let’s see what’s so horrible about them.
Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
The New World Orderists wasted no time telling us exactly what they plan for us on this one. They’re going to commit genocide and kill 6 billion people. That’s what this means. No, really. There are 6.5 billion people on the planet now, which you and both know is far too many, and the only way to get it down to 500 million is to KILL US. Now, I don’t know about you, but if I planned on killing 6 billion people, I’m thinking I wouldn’t make it the first thing I carved into stone for everybody to read. But if I were living in, say, the late 1970s, when the Georgia Guidestones were put up, I might be a little worried we were all going to kill ourselves, what with all the war and all, and maybe I’d like to think that if we survive, or some of us do, maybe we’ll get our shit together and realize we cannot feed 10 billion people on this rock. Perpetual balance with nature and all, y’know.
Guide reproduction wisely — improving fitness and diversity
Eugenics! They’re going to create a fucking master race!!!!! Arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Stop them!
Have you ever seen puppies from a puppy mill? That’s where they keep the momma dogs in perpetual pregnancy and nursing. The puppies, bless their little hearts, suffer for it, too. They’re weaker just from the fact that they’re moms are at the point of exhaustion all the time. That’s kinda what we do here on this planet. Yay! Go ahead, have all the babies you want (or in the case of an awful lot of women, you DON’T want but are forced to have). If we were to actually use our big brains — “wisely” — we probably would be creating a much more fit and diverse population. But that’s telling us what to do! China! Be fruitful and multiply! Yeah, and overcrowd the fucking planet with morons. See above.
Unite humanity with a living new language
Now, this one is downright funny, because some of the Kornspiracists think that the Georgia Guidestones are some kind of modern Tower of Babel, you know, what with saying the same thing in eight languages. I was thinking more along the lines of the Rosetta Stone myself, but let’s go along with this. See, according to the Only Religion That Matters, the Judeo-Christian one, the big sky father, jealous of humans who could actually build physical towers and were trying to build one to reach him — hey, I woulda been honored they wanted to come see me — and so handed out a gazillion new languages so they couldn’t talk with one another anymore and had to stop work on the tower. I don’t think I have to go into the preposterousness of that particular biblical story. But anyway, here, the authors of the guidestones say we should go back to that one language, that maybe if we all didn’t have so many nuances and complete and utter fuckups when we try to translate each other that maybe we’d get along better.
Of course, if I were a Konservative Konspiracy Kretin, I’d probably still want the langauges to be different because I wouldn’t want people to understand each other — good grief, how can we exploit fear and anger if we don’t need Men In Suits to tell us what the other people are thinking and saying and doing?
Rule passion — faith — tradition with tempered reason
Now what could possibly be wrong with that? Huh? Be reasonable about our passions, our faith and our traditions. Not too hard to figure out, really. If you’re gonna be reasonable, that means you’re not gonna get to shout down the people who know what they’re talking about with your outlandish superstitions and mythologies. Now, nobody says you can’t have those — you’re welcome to believe whatever you want, to have faith in a fucking monument in rural Georgia or whatever. But reason would tell you that you cannot possibly know shit and all your attempts to force everyone else to believe as you do says but one thing: that you are so insecure in yourselves that you cannot bare for anyone to disagree with you.
And that’s why Konservatives and Konspiracy Kreators hate reason.
Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts
Whoops! The Guidestone creators screwed this one up for the Konspiracists. “Protect people and NATIONS” … kinda defeats the purpose of a one world government, doncha think? But this is a bad thing because … because … SHARIA LAW! Who’s gonna decide what’s fair and just? And what if we think those people or those nations don’t deserve to be treated fairly and justly? I mean, what if they’re terrorists? Or or or heathens! Communists! Socialists! Black people! Oops. Never mind that last one. We’re not racist. But illegal immigrants!
Fair and just. Fair and just.
Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court
OK, seriously, again, the “nations” thing. Personally, I don’t have a problem with a one world government. It cannot possibly be worse than what we have now. But if we can’t, then this isn’t so bad — nations, do you’re own thing inside your borders (being reasonable, and all that) and if you have conflicts with each other, then we go to a world court instead of shooting at each other. It’s like neighbors, you know. My neighbor and I may be having a dispute over who actually owns the tree that fell on my car. But we don’t start shooting at each other. We go to court, or to mediation.
Ahhhh … but we can’t do that on an international level, now can we? Because we might lose. And if the world court says that Israel needs to fucking stop building settlements in the West Bank, then we can’t just go along with that! Israel! Terrorists! The Holy Land! Armageddon! Ooops. Forget that last. That was a slip. We’re not waiting for the End Times here.
Somehow, I suspect the Georgia Guidestones may have been written for after the End Times. And maybe it’ll all work out all right if that’s the case. After all, our religious zanies will have all been raptured and we can finally relax.
Avoid petty laws and useless officials
You can probably sort out for yourself why the Konservative Konspiracists would be a little upset about this one. Most of them would be on the “shun” list. And where would America be without petty laws?
Balance personal rights with social duties
This one should be pretty obvious too. Just look at Congressional Republicans. This one goes against their entire philosophy, which, if it were on the Georgia Guidestones, would say, “Me first and fuck you.”
Prize truth – beauty – love – seeking harmony with the infinite
This is another one that would seem awfully good to me. But remember, according to the Krazy Konspiracists, the One World Orderists say things that sound good so you won’t know how evil they are. Like, who’s gonna decide what truth, beauty and love are? And seeking harmony with the infinite? That’s some New Age hokey pokey that’s they’re gonna use to make us all have the same religion, right?
“The infinite” — I have an understanding of what that means to me on a spiritual level, and frankly, it makes much more sense than any of the crap I’ve heard out of the world’s religions. I really don’t care if you believe what I believe — but if you can, just imagine that “the infinite” is what might be called “god” or “allah” or any kind of supreme being that is neither supreme nor an actual being. Seek harmony with the infinite. Isn’t that what the religions are supposed to about, seeking to become one with god, however god is understood? Or … just simply to seek harmony with the earth, very easily done after death but taking a little work before hand. The earth is pretty infinite. Oh, sure, someday it’ll blow up, or crash into the sun, or get hit by an asteroid or something, but the building blocks of this planet ain’t goin’ nowhere.
So to my way of thinking, this one’s just a reminder that we are far from what we humans really should be doing.
Be not a cancer on the earth – Leave room for nature – Leave room for nature
Seriously. Be not a cancer on the earth. In typical Konservative fashion, the Krazies think this one ties in the first one. They believe this one shows that the evil one worlders believe humans are a cancer on the earth and need to be considerably culled. Well, to be honest, some humans are. And if we weren’t so busy trying to pretend that selfish bastards are anything but selfish bastards, we’d realize that. They don’t need to be culled though. They just need to be treated like the selfish bastards they are. Same goes for companies that pollute. For governments that think pouring more concrete is progress.
There’s a reason it says “leave room for nature” twice.
Well, there you have it. The New World Order, the One World Government. The evil that will be foisted upon us if the Tea Party doesn’t gain control of the Senate and the White House in 2012.
We need a new world order, and soon. The Tea Party would have us go back to their delusional visions of a past that never was when I — we — want to go forward to a vision of a better world that we can have if we drop the pretenses of being masters of the earth — and of other people.
The Konspiracists don’t like things like the Georgia Guidestones because they scare the bejesus out of ’em. It means they need to change their entire view of everything, and for most people, that’s just too damned frightening. But they can’t admit that either, so they play the straw man game — the evil billionaires want to tell us what to do! Individual rights! The second amendment!
Such short sightedness. So sad. When I read something like the Georgia Guidestones, a little spark of hope for humanity flares. It’s not much, but it gets me through the next barrage of hate and anger and selfishness that passes for humanity out in the real world these days.
It is a little spark of truth, there for all to see, if only they have eyes unfettered by the ugliness of those who would keep us enslaved.