Eye on Newt

Newt Gingrich is the perfect Republican.

I’m serious. He is the consumate Tea Partier, and that, my friends, is where the Republican heart lies these days.

No more is it with the spiffy country club types who drink to excess behind closed doors and have private affairs so they can publicly criticize everyone else. Oh no. The New Republican is rough and tough and arrogant and doesn’t give a fuck about you or me or anyone else just as long as he gets his hands on The Power.

That’s Newt. He’s found the conservative populist message that could take him to the nomination — or at the very least he’ll be the guy at the top of the short list for absolute monarch when the southern states try to secede again.

Think about it. There’s a huge split in the Republican Party that they don’t like to talk about. There are those rich dandies, the monied monsters who have been grooming Mitt Romney to take over for years now. They’ve been successful thus far at co-opting the ignorant masses. But here comes Newt, and he’s learned how to speak to ignorance.

What ignorant Republican doesn’t love an arrogant asshole with as much disdain for the press, the poor, Democrats, liberals, women, blacks and gays as they have?

What “patriotic” Republican doesn’t love an belligerent jackass who believes, as they do, that America is the Promised Land and everybody else is subhuman?

Seriously. Take the suit and tie off Newt and put him in a flannel shirt with the sleeves ripped off and dirty jeans with a CAT cap and steel toed boots and you got every white guy in South Carolina who doesn’t make $40,000 a year. And there are a lot of those. South Carolina — the state that ranks dead last in education, even below Mississippi.

It’s why Newt harps on “the elites” all the time. “The elite media.” “The elite liberals.” Even though Newt himself reported $3 million income last year — where I come from, that’s pretty damned “elite.”

We’ve all wondered why those not-elite types always vote against their own interests and keep sending Republicans back to Congress or state houses or wherever. Newt has stripped the nice veneer off and shown us exactly why.

The day of the dog whistle is over, my friends. Calling Obama a “food stamp president” isn’t a dog whistle, ladies and gentlemen. It’s racist bullshit.

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And there it is. Newt is the alpha male, the man’s man. Three wives, baby, each one better looking than the last. Doesn’t matter that he ditched the other two only after they got sick — what real man wants to have to deal with that? And this is South Carolina, baby. The state that didn’t bat an eye when Mark Sanford did the light fantastic down the Appalachian trail, all the way to Argentina.

Don’t let ‘em try to tell you it had nothing to do with Mitt Romney’s religion either. There is no way in hell them South Carolina boys are gonna vote for a Mormon. They ain’t even Christian. So while the polls have a majority saying that Mitt’s Mormon religion didn’t make a difference, I can tell you right now they lied about that, and here’s why:

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Yup. They’ll tell you a candidate being a Mormon don’t make a difference, and then they’ll turn around and tell you it’s important that a candidate share their values, their religious beliefs.

Used to be that Catholicism had the same stigma Mormons have now, back in the day. But no more. Catholics aren’t liberals anymore, and you can thank their stand on abortion for that. Oh, and same sex marriage. So Newt’s conversion works in his favor.

Yeah, Santorum’s a Catholic, religious fanatic too, but he isn’t mean like Newt. Today’s Republicans want mean. Ron Paul could almost fill the bill, but he doesn’t like war, likes marijuana and sounds like Mike Tyson while looking more like Ross Perot.

Gingrich owns the religious vote. He goes on and on about “anti-Christian” bigotry, as if a country in which more than 80 percent of its citizens are Christian could actually do that. But the ignorant masses firmly believe it. They believe it because THEIR values — the values they believe are the only purely American values — are under attack by a lenient, godless, liberal elite. And Newt tells them they’re right.

He’s got the lingo down. Elites in New York and Washington. Bows to Saudi king. Food stamps. Teleprompter. Extremists. Radicals. Saul Alinsky. Common sense conservative. European socialists. Ronald Reagan. Liberal media. Jimmy Carter.

He plays to the hate, blatantly.

Newt. He’s THE MAN. He is THE NOT-ROMNEY. And if the Republicans aren’t careful, he’ll be THE NOMINEE.

Good luck with that one. And do be careful what you wish for.

 

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