Welcome to new contributor Grumpy Granny!

The week before Thanksgiving, I had the opportunity to be a part of a unique birthday party.  The diverse and extended group of women that my wife and I are part of here in Pueblo, Colorado, has four members whose birthdays fall on or around the Thanksgiving holiday.  That alone would be reason enough for a party, but this year all these women were turning the milestone of 74 or 75 years, respectively.  Certainly, we could not let these special birthdays go uncelebrated.  One of the most inspiring things about these women is that they are still vital and active not only in the GLBT community, but also in community and employment areas as diverse as they themselves.

One woman is well-known regionally, if not nationally, as having been a professor and women’s basketball coach for the local college and was an avid advocate for equality in women’s sports back when it was virtually unheard of and controversial.  She continues to play her beloved game whenever she can.  One of the women teaches math to inmates, male and female, in the local prison system; one works for the county office on aging with the senior population as well as being a powerful energy worker.  The fourth has done everything from cabinet-making to acting, and is currently working as a massage therapist and hospice volunteer and still sings a mean torch song at the karaoke microphone.  Believe me, these are some special women.

When we got to the party, the host house was overflowing with celebration.  I ran into friends I hadn’t seen in quite a while who came to party with the honorees, and new friends came who were thrilled to be in this group of sane and stable women. The couple who hosted the party are younger than most of the group; “babies” barely into their 40s.  They are the ultimate “sport dykes” and own practically every piece of recreational equipment known to man or woman — and use them all frequently and happily.  They have turned their basement into the perfect party space, with a near-professional karaoke set up and, of course, room enough to conga.

As I sang along with the oldies, the goodies and the ABBA and watched the women dance and party and celebrate our senior members, I felt great love and admiration for all of them.  In addition to the four “birthday girls” the group spanned a broad spectrum of professions, from printers to college professors; from corporate executives to entrepreneurs to counselors.  There were couples who had been together for over 25 years, couples who had raised children together, those who have grandchildren (myself among them) and those who are still raising teenagers.  There were single women who were happy with themselves.  There were strong and supportive friendships and happy and affectionate couples.  Virtually every woman in the room was a long-time contributor to the greater Pueblo community in addition to being gay.  And, if some of them may be quieter than others about their “orientation,” none of them are particularly closeted.

I tried to imagine what it must have been like to know you were lesbian in the years when these four women came of age.  What courage they must have had in their hearts, what brave souls they were.  The fact that I cannot imagine how it was for them tells me that we have made more progress in this arena than we sometimes think we have.  Without the strength and courage of these women, and countless men and women like them who were brave enough to be who they were despite crushing pressure against their spirits, regardless of laws and political climates, the vibrant young lesbian couple hosting the party might have found themselves in very different positions, perhaps somewhere deep in “closet land.”

To me, this is how progress happens — one person, one life, one step at a time.  Each person who refuses to knuckle under, who lives out loud, who says, this is me, take me or be damned, moves us forward another step.  These are the change makers.  National activism and passing laws and signing petitions, and contacting congressmen and congresswomen for initiatives are all important, of course.  But every law ever passed has been reactive, not proactive.  It is the individuals in the communities, the people we see every day and live with and know as friends and neighbors and individuals who really influence us.  We create the “trickle-up” effect every moment that we live our honest and open lives.

So, happy birthday, my four amazing friends.  You have come a long way, and you’ve showed us how exceptional we can be as we each get older.  You deserve every good thing in your lives.  If I’m lucky, I’ll get to be you when I grow up.  Time has written its story on each of your faces, but I can’t think that you could have been any more beautiful in the “bloom” of your youth than you are right now.  Thank you for being my friends, and thank you for showing all of us how to live our truth with strength and grace.