Yeah, that’s right. I got questions. Lots of ‘em. I know it may seem like I have all the answers, but that’s just a boisterous front I put on to get y’all to take me seriously. You know, how the right wing talkers do alla time.

But I do got questions. Like, who in the hell seriously thought James O’Keefe and Hannah Giles were really a pimp and a ho? In that get-up? Was Party City having a pre-Halloween sale? Come on. My righteously rightwing mother could see through that.

I mean, ACORN, which has some pretty lousy hiring systems as far as I can see, couldn’t possibly have hired people dumb enough to believe those two. So why not say, “Yeah, we gave ‘em that advice, but come on, people, who took them seriously? Would you? We sure didn’t.” Seriously, which is dumber, playing along with two obvious idiots or letting the world think you hired people too dumb to see through those outfits?

And while we’re at it, how Congress — including so-called “liberal” Democrats, have fallen all over themselves to defund “corrupt” ACORN but not a goddamn one of ‘em have ever had the tiniest of little thoughts go through their morally inept heads about defunding oh, say, Blackwater/Xe, or KBR, or the entire military industrial complex, all of whom have cost the American taxpayer billions of dollars throught their corrupt and illegal actions while ACORN’s “corruption” has cost the U.S. government — absolution fucking nothing?

Here’s another one. How come no Republicans snapped their heads around to see who yelled “You lie” at the president during his address? All the Democrats did.  Republicans? Faces forward. Were they embarrassed because they knew it was one of their own and they wanted to be able to say “I have no idea who did that?” Or … and this is the $64,000 question — did they know it was coming? Rep. Hank Johnson, D-Georgia, said it was “a carefully orchestrated” event. Just how carefully orchestrated was it?

Next question. What do Neil Armstrong, Colin Powell, Mother Teresa and John Steinbeck have in common? Answer? Texas thinks they’re not important enough as historical figures to be mentioned in textbooks. Real question. Why? Is it, as my friend Bill Stankus suggested, that none of them fought at the Alamo?

My friend Lisa Wines suggested that Texas go ahead and secede, as their governor, Rick “Good Hair” Perry, wants. That way, no Texan could ever be president again. Of course, we’d also lose the likes of Molly Ivins, Ann Richards and Barbara Jordan, but they could always immigrate. Well, Jordan might have a problem if the right wing wins on immigration. At least none of them are Hispanic.

Ever notice the first thing racists do when confronted with their own racism is to accuse their confronters of racism? Schoolyard strategies really do look bad on adults, don’t you think? “I am not, but you are!”  OK, little Glenn. Recess is over. Let’s go study history.

Speaking of racism, how about this one from teabaggery coordinator Joe Wierzbicki: Yeah, some of those signs we’re carrying, like the Obama witch doctor, are probably racist. But we’re angry, goddammit. So, if I’m angry about something, anything goes? Talk about lack of civility. At my house, simple name-calling is not allowed, angry or not, let alone racist imagery. Conversation’s over if that starts. I think that’d be a pretty damn good policy for these teabaggers. You start with that shit, you can just go home, cuz we ain’t talkin’ no more.

Speaking of racism, part two, if these right wingers seriously believe the racist bullshit is coming from some fringe minority, then why not publicly condemn it? Crickets, anyone? That’d settle it right then and there. Tell the fuckers that shit ain’t welcome, and send ‘em the fuck home with their racist paraphernalia. Don’t hold your breath.

Next question, still on the racism topic. What the fuck is wrong with Obama and other Dems who are still saying the racism isn’t a big deal? Man, these folks are seriously underplaying what’s going on out here in the “real” America. Last year, my dad,  not one known for burning crosses on yards, told me he just didn’t like the idea of a black man as president. I told him that was the silliest thing I’d ever heard him say, but I got the feeling if he weren’t 83 years old and living in deepest rural America, he’d be carrying one of those witch doctor signs, along with one that says “Keep government out of my Medicare.”

And my sister, an actual Democrat, told me she was unsure about Obama because she heard he is a Muslim. Or maybe she thought he is a bolt of cloth. Either way, oh my heart.

But really, folks, shouldn’t our leaders quit downplaying this shit and call it out? It’s one thing to say you’ll call out lies, but really, dude, this racism stuff is scary out here in Real America. And it’s fucking real. So many questions, so little time.

Question: When Glenn Beck compares alcoholism to liberalism, as he did during his Katie Couric moment — by somehow equating his being a liberal while he was an active alcoholic — doesn’t it say a little bit more about him than liberals? Or alcoholics?

And does Katie Couric just bring out the stupid in people?

Here’s another. Why does CNN call Larry King’s show Larry King Live, even when it’s taped? Is it because Larry King is still alive?

And Fox News. Why? But with Fox producers riling up the teabagger crowds, I think we can dispense with that fair and balanced shit for good now. Wonder if they’ve figured out the difference between reporting on an event and promoting it yet?

All these questions. And more coming every day.

Maybe you’ve got some questions too. Or maybe you’ve got answers. Doesn’t matter if the answers are real. We live in a post-truth society now, where facts are just annoyances. So don’t worry about that. Just answer as best you can, or make it up. Nobody’ll know the difference.