Hey, bro. Can I call you bro? How about sharing a little of that potato salad while we talk? Talk about socialism, bro. You know, that word you’ve been throwing around.

So, define socialism for us, please. Define this word you’re using to push the Big Dumb Run & Hide button in the Americans you’re trying to scare away from the change they voted for back in November.

No hints, bro. You’re on your own. In your very own words and in full sentences, give us your best, most complete definition of the word socialism, and then lay out exactly, and I mean use some details here, how Obama’s health care proposals fit that definition.

Know where I got the idea? From good old Jonah Goldberg. He decided he thought he could define fascism, and then lay the blame for it on liberals. Poor man talked himself in circles, got vague where he needed to be vague, hit us with a true detail now and then for authenticity, and then wildly spun back around and drew illogical conclusions. When you give us your best shot at socialism, try not to do that, okay? It makes the conservatives look bad.

No sound bites, bro. It’s time to stop depending on Americans to be stupid enough to trust their future and their well-being to a big mouth who thinks all he has to do is holler “big government takeover!” or “Obama’s conducting an experiment!” or “intrusion into the private sector!” or “socialism!” to make America throw on the brakes once again and fail to reform our country’s dismal health care system.

Wait. Did I just say ‘fail?’ That’s right. Failure over the next four years is your goal, isn’t it, bro? Obama needs to fail, and any Americans who get in the way of that can just be damned, can’t they?

Let’s get a show of hands from the other picnickers, shall we? All those who’re happy with the present health care system raise your hands. Hmmm. Looks like mainly rich people and members of Congress. Hey, look! Most of the Congresspeople think so much of their plan they’re raising both hands. Wonder why that is?

Maybe it’s because nobody in Congress is uninsured or underinsured like millions of regular Americans are. In fact, members of Congress enjoy health benefits the likes of which most Americans will never come close to having. Reminds me of how Social Security has been around since the 1930s, yet it wasn’t until 1984 that members of Congress were finally required to participate. Two sets of rules. One for the schmucks. One for the powers that be.

Wouldn’t it just ruin your picnic if this time America really wises up and doesn’t fall for your brainless rhetoric?

So, bro, you still need to put a definition of socialism out there, and you still need to tell us how President Obama’s plan qualifies as socialism, and you still need to pass a little of that potato salad.