Get right with god
Jun 24th, 2009 | By Nunzia Rider | Read more in: Politics
I’m sure no one is surprised that South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford had to come and tell us all tearfully how he’d dishonored his marriage vows. Guess he’s been having a problem with it too, onaccounta he said his affair was “discovered” five months ago and he’s still slippin’ off to Argentina to hang with her.
Well, I’m assuming it’s a woman.
I wonder if he’ll be arrested. Adultery is against the law in South Carolina, although if he only did it in Argentina, I guess he’s OK there. But the Family Research Council did take his picture of their Values Voters Summit 2009 Web site.
And check it — as usual, whenever a Republican gets caught with his pants down, Fox “News” identifies him as a Democrat. They’ve done that so many times it’s become a newsroom joke.
I can see how his staff might have been confused, because “Argentina” and “Appalachian Trail” do sound very similar in the mouth of a lying, cheating, sonuvabitch extremist who left his wife and four kids behind on Father’s Day weekend. Some father he is.
And before you get all high and mighty on me about how it’s not just right wing extremists who follow their dicks around, let me just say I know. I’m quite well read and I follow the news very well. So let’s get this out of the way: John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, Jim McGreevey, Kwame Kilpatrick, Marc Dann, Gavin Newsom, Antonio Villaraigosa, Tim Mahoney, Bob Wise, Gary Condit, Gary Hart, Barney Frank, Brock Adams, John Young, Gerry Studds, Mel Reynolds. I’m sure there are plenty more, but you get the idea.
Now, who can tell me what is the difference between those Democrats and Republicans Sanford, John Ensign, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston, David Vitter, Vito Fossella, Jim Gibbons, Matthew Joseph Elliott, John David Roy Atkinson, Ted Haggard, Neal Horsley, Dennis Rader, Jim West, Ed Schrock, Neil Bush, Dan Burton, Dan Crane, Henry Hyde, Ken Calvert, Sue Myrick, Roy Cohn, Strom Thurmond, Bob Packwood and J.C. Watts?
That’s right, boys and girls. All the Republicans are fucking hypocrits because each and every one of them held themselves up as moral stalwarts, good Christians all.
And that, in a nutshell, is why “But the Democrats do it too” is a bullshit argument. Yes, the Democrats do indeed do it too, and — let me reveal my truly prudish nature — they are fucking wrong. When you make a commitment to another human being, you damn sure better stick with it or else step out of it. Openly. But what makes the extremists worse is that they all pander to the morality crowd. Oh, they say, gay marriage will destroy the entire institution of marriage.
Really? How’s that working out for ya? Must be those 18,000 gay couples in California whose marriages were not annuled by the California Supreme Court that destroyed Ensign and Sanford. Of course, they’re trying to work it out, although I’m not entire sure how hard Sanford, who always has been a little freaky, has been trying. Call me crazy, but it doesn’t seem to me that you’re trying all that hard to save your marriage when you pack your hiking gear in the car, tell your staff you’re going hiking, leave your hiking gear in the car at the airport and fly to Argentina, where your girlfriend lives. I’m just sayin.’
And then there’s the e-mails. They’re almost sweet, in a high school nerd kinda way.
You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light — but hey, that would be going into sexual details …
… While all the things above are all too true — at the same time we are in a … hopelessly impossible situation of love … How in the world this lightening strike snuck up on us I am still not quite sure. As I have said to you before I certainly had a special feeling about you from the first time we met, but these feelings were contained and I genuinely enjoyed our special friendship and the comparing of all too many personal notes …
I love your tan lines? That makes me shudder.
But dontcha just love how these guys explain everything away? Yeah, yeah, they’re gonna work it all out and get right with god and everything. I once had a conversation with a young man who claimed to be a fundamentalist Christian. He was fucking my roommate — yes, real roommate, nothing more. So I said to him, but, Joe, isn’t this wrong in your religion? And he said yes, it is, but it’ll be all right because before he dies he’ll make it right with god.
Dayum. That’s quite a racket there. Do whatever the fuck you want, but right before you die, say, y’know, god, I’m really sorry I was such an asshole for all those years. But I know you’ll forgive me and I’ll get to come to heaven, right?
Shit, we queers could do that. The extremists could just shut the fuck up about how we’re going to hell — we’ll just tell ‘em not to worry, we’ll make it right before we die.
That’s a damn good idea. And we don’t even really have to make it right before we die. Who’s gonna know?
And that’s how it’ll be OK by 2012, when ole Mark wants to run for president. Same with Ensign. They’ll just make it right with god, and everybody’ll nod and say, yes, yes, god forgives you.
And then they’ll be a lot more careful about slipping out of town to see their girlfriends. Or boyfriends.
AWOP contributing editor, politics
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We forget the Wilbur Mills / Fanny Fox the Stripper days – it’s gone on for-evah. I remember living in San Antonio an eon ago and some councilman got caught with his pants down at a closed park. Good Mayor Henry Cisneros, moderate Democrat, stalwart family man and good Catholic was not pleased. You remember what eventually happened with his brightly lit career (http://brownstate.typepad.com/ken_burns_hates_mexicans/the-short-happy-life-of-h.html).
Politicians (and church elders and high-powered businessmen, ad naseum) all think the rules do not apply to them. Or they are too smart (narcissistic) to get caught. That somehow a bright light shines down on their beautiful self. They let their dicks take control and constituency be damned – because it really is all about them, not their service to those to whom they serve.
Hypocrisy is hypocrisy, no matter what if you’re a boxer briefs or tighty whitey kind of person. Lying is lying. Breaching trust is breaching trust – whether it is with your spouse or your constituents. It doesn’t take much of a leap to believe that if they cheat on their wives, they will cheat on us too. These things just prove the old axiom, “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
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totally forgot about Wilbur Mills. That was the best.
And I completely concur here … in fact, isn’t part of the job description for politicians “must be able to talk about both sides of the mouth with equal ease and without breaking a sweat?”
i just think there’s a special ring of hell for those who hold themselves out to be arbiters of moral standards while they’re violating those standards right and left. and when their “moral standards” don’t include my people … well, we got a problem.
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Newswriter, let me start out by saying I agree with everything you said. These men – your entire list – are hypocrites. I especially like the part about how they The Republicans – are bigger Hypocrites: “All the Republicans are fucking hypocrites because each and every one of them held themselves up as moral stalwarts,”
You realize of course that your argument is that the Democrats are NOT hypocrites because nobody expected them to be moral in the first place? Priceless.
And now onto the part where I defend these guys: Oh wait, I’m not going to. Scandals like these, whether they are sexual or criminal in nature, have nothing to do with a person’s political party. I don’t know the exact numbers, and of course we don’t even know about the ones we haven’t found out about yet, but I’d say it’s close to 50/50.
And you’re right, If someone holds themselves up as a moral leader, whether it be religious or political, they do have a lot farther to fall. There crime isn’t any worse, but standing on that pedestal makes the trip a little longer.
What I find interesting is the way both sides react to these scandals. I’m actually going to study this and find out what percentage of Democrats vs. Republicans “do the right thing” and resign after news like this comes out. Of course, if they had only done the right thing before, they wouldn’t have to resign.
I was traveling today, and had an opportunity to listen to a lot of discussion of this on talk radio. And you know what? Everyone was calling for this guy to resign, none louder than the Right wingers (Okay, Hannity wasn’t as firm as the rest, but he still called for this guy to resign).
Funny how when Clinton did this, the view from the left was “It’s Just Sex”, or “It’s his private life”. Not that the left always rally around their disgraced, but they are more likely to. And I don’t know, maybe that’s admirable, but then again I think the “He made a mistake/It’s a private matter/It’s only sex” defense works if you’re willing to apply to each side equally.
I was intrigued by one comment: “And check it — as usual, whenever a Republican gets caught with his pants down, Fox “News” identifies him as a Democrat. They’ve done that so many times it’s become a newsroom joke.” Really? I was unaware of this, and a short and totally unscientific bit of research turned up only twice that I could find. This time, and once identifying McCain. Was it done on purpose? Hey, could be. We are talking about Fox News after all. But “They’ve done that so many times….” sounds like a bit of a misrepresentation.
Hey, I have an idea. Look up New York Times articles that initially report a story like this on five democrats, and five republicans. And use congressmen or state representatives, not national figures like Bill Clinton that every one knows. Then, count how many paragraphs it takes before they mention that the scumbag was a Republican, and how many before they announce the scumbag was a Democrat (assuming they ever announce it at all). Now THAT’s a newsroom joke.
But yes, Mark Stanford and Senator Ensign are scumbags. They do not represent my state, so I have no say in their futures, but I would encourage everyone to vote these bastards out.
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In the limit that n goes to infinity…
That’s a phrase borrowed from math and physics. Roughly, it’s a technique used to probe the behavior of an equation or principle by making a parameter bigger and bigger and bigger until it’s close to infinity. Or equal to infinity. Doing that is often a good way to shed light on the validity of the way you’re looking at something in the up-close, non-infinite world.
Anyway, we’re talking about philandering or adulterous politicians and I usually get kinda quiet when this comes up. It’s because I have a hard time working up the steam nearly everybody I know, respect and interact with feel about the subject.
I automatically take n to infinity. I imagine, say, that Obama ends the Iraq War and comes out very strongly in favor of Marriage Equality, to the point where it has a huge effect on the legislation that eventually wins it for us. Then the boom drops. He’s discovered to have cheated on his wife. Would I go after him with tooth and claw? Or would I sit back and weigh the good he’s done against the personal atrocity he’s committed? I believe I’d argue for judging his professional merits separately from his personal faults.
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Totally understand that Margo. Personally, I think it’s wrong to violate trust in that way. But that’s me. Where I draw the line is with these guys who pretend to be so much more holier than me and mine. If I haven’t made myself clear, I apologize. My personal thoughts on this kind of behavior are irrelevant. I thought Bill Clinton was a scumbag long before Monica Lewinsky, but I voted for him because I got a letter from God saying I had to. And who am I to go against god?
My objection is not that Mark Sanford or John Ensign or any of these other cretins cheated on their wives, but that they did so while denying my peeps their rights on moral grounds. That’s what I cannot abide.
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Let me preface this comment with the following clarification for those who can’t seem to let this be implied on the grounds of common sense and simply go without saying:
I solemnly swear that I recognize that there are people on the left who also are messed up in many, many ways.
now that I have that out of the way.
“My objection is not that Mark Sanford or John Ensign or any of these other cretins cheated on their wives, but that they did so while denying my peeps their rights on moral grounds. That’s what I cannot abide.”
yep, I think that definitely warrants a “fucking” in front of Hypocrite after their names.
kim g.
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I love you, Boss. I mean, Co-Conspirator. Addendum: And I mean that in an action flick buddy kind of way. Well, maybe more than that. Like sisters? Brothers? Um … Thelma and Louise? Uh, OK, never mind. I’ll shut up now.
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“My objection is not that Mark Sanford or John Ensign or any of these other cretins cheated on their wives, but that they did so while denying my peeps their rights on moral grounds. That’s what I cannot abide.” – That may be one of the most profound things I have ever heard. Please, repeat it often.
Good Job!
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Don’t You Just Hate An OLD Hoe;
especially when he’s getting your tax money for his trickery.
I advocate lettin his wifey and kiddlets beat the ish out of him
on the same teevee where he did that stupid announcement.
he betta hope she dont’ take his WHOOOOOOOLE ass;
when they get to the court phase, cause quietly the judges
are gonna make his ass into kansas city bbq.
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My objection is not that Mark Sanford or John Ensign or any of these other cretins cheated on their wives, but that they did so while denying my peeps their rights on moral grounds. That’s what I cannot abide.
I thoroughly cannot abide it either, NW. However, denying us our rights on moral grounds doesn’t go down easier for me when it comes from a faithful husband and father of 4 than it does when it comes from an unfaithful husband and father of 4.
Of course it’s wrong to violate personal trust. I believe that, too. Personal trust. But we, as citizens don’t trust politicians on a personal level, do we? Especially Republicans. And why should we, when we don’t have a “personal relationship” with them? My bottom line is the securing of my civil rights. Where any rights denier’s penis tends to wander makes not a particle of difference to the denial of my rights.
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