Imagine. You’ve been together for 23 years and have twin 12-year-olds sons. You live together, raise the children together, grocery shop, go to work, and do all the things other couples do in the course of life.

But, you now face deportation. Because you are gay. Gay couples can not apply to stay in the US based on their partnered relationship. The Republican-led Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) made sure this would be the outcome. Does this make any kind of sense? Why would someone tear one law-abiding parent from the household?

Shirley Tan, a Phillippine native now living in San Mateo, California, just found out how. She was ordered out of the country after her visas had expired, even though she married her same-sex partner during 2004 when Mayor Gavin Newsom cleared the way for marriages within San Francisco. Those marriages were later nullified.

Thanks to Rep. Jackie Speier and Sen. Dianne Feinstein, Tan won a stay until April 22^nd, allowing her to appeal the deportation.

Inequities like this are being corrected, slowly—but possibly not in time to help Tan or the other 37,000 couples across the nation who share this problem. Legislation is making its way through the House, but it could take months or years to see the light of day.

The Obama White House is a different creature than that of his unbeloved predecessor. Obama’s position is that couples should not have to make this painful choice.

What is DOMA? Read here: DOMA And, if you aren’t so inclined – basically, it says that in 1996, Congress ensured that no Federal rights or privileges will be granted to couples who aren’t “one man and one woman.”

This is why I’d pay taxes on benefits like health insurance for my partner, can’t file jointly Federally, my foreign partner is not eligible for citizenship based on our relationship, and over 1,000 other protections that straight married people are automatically granted are denied me. And, even if I marry in a state where gay marriage is legal, I can’t transfer those rights to another state should I have to move.

So when the anti-gay people are screaming that no rights be granted gays in California because “they already have all the rights under domestic partnership,” they are wrong, wrong, wrong.

It’s beyond time to repeal DOMA. It’s not fair, it’s damaging families, and unfairly and unjustly discriminates against an entire class of its country’s citizens.

What I’m asking is that you put yourself in the place of Shirley Tan – just for a few minutes.