Right wing economies in a nutshell
Okay, first of all, economies are like magic zoos, see. There are lions and tigers and bulls and bears, oh my, and stuff goes in and stuff goes out and like everybody lives happily ever after and such. So how do these “economy” thingies work? Well, first of all, meet the Free Market Fairy:
Now, the first thing the Free Market Fairy does is, like, jizz magic free market fairy dust all over the place by waving her (his?) magic wand around. This free market fairy dust is then gathered together by the Invisible Hand (no picture, because the Invisible Hand is, like, invisible, like God and Dick Cheney’s conscience and stuff like that), which turns it into magical Competition Unicorns which then excrete magical substance called Choice that makes all goods cheap and widely available. Here is a picture of a Competition Unicorn:
Now, as you can see, the magical substance is excreted at the nether end and then consumers get all the benefit of this “Choice” thingy, which is, like, rainbows and sunshine and puppy dogs, oh my, and guarantees that you’ll always get great service at a great price, sort of like those TV preachers who guarantee that if you send them a million billion dollars you’ll go to a place where magic unicorns live and some hairy old dude has a lot of mansions for everybody to live in.
So anyhow, these magic unicorns poop this “choice” stuff and then we get all the benefits of low prices and good service. Like, at my house, I have a lot of this Choice stuff when it comes to high speed Internet — I have Comcast, and I have, err, Comcast. Hmm. I must be wrong, because these magic Competition unicorns are EVERYWHERE, even though nobody’s ever seen them outside of narrow marketplaces for consumer baubles, and thus there’s ALWAYS a choice, just like my choice between Comcast and, err, Comcast, for high speed Internet. The Competition Unicorn *does* exist, like Santa Claus, magically bringing gifts to all the deserving people. And if you don’t get gifts from this magic competition unicorn, why, it just means you’re a bad person and probably deserve to get coal in your Christmas stocking, ho ho ho!
And that’s right wing economics in a nutshell. Tomorrow, boys and girls, we’ll talk about right-wing biology. That’s even stranger than right-wing economics… like, *really* strange, as in, it’s a wonder that right-wingnuts ever manage to reproduce. See ya!
This post appears courtesy of Badtux the Snarky Penguin.