Last week, a member of my PFLAG chapter asked our group what changes we’d like to see in 2010, whether it be socially, spiritually, legislatively or in some area.  The answers were as diverse as the people in attendance.  Many people wanted to see ENDA passed, others to see gay marriage legalized, some a repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and still others wanted to see changes in churches.

All of the discussion got me thinking about personal resolutions and how they relate to the bigger picture.  There are some resolutions that help us personally, and others that help others.  I wanted to take a look at some things that we queers can do to help ourselves and others this year.

1. Better health – this is absolutely good for you, but it does help everyone else when you take care of your own body.  When you stop smoking, eat healthful foods and exercise, you not only look hot but you also lessen the burden on the healthcare system and the environment.
2. Get out of debt – again, it’s mostly for you, but it’s also for me and all of my fellow citizens.  Social Security is NOT a retirement plan and if you are counting on the government to support you in your old age, you are dreaming a communist dream.  By the way, I’ve been to Russia several times and have seen first hand how well that works.  Trust me; pay off your debt and start saving.
3. Volunteer – this is really one of those things that everyone needs to do.  You can work a crisis line, be a foster parent, work at a hospice, collect good motivational books for inmates or work in a soup kitchen.  Love animals?  Call your local shelters and rescue groups.  Do what you love!  You will increase your skill sets, reduce costs for non-profits and get a healthy dose of self esteem when you consider other people ahead of yourself.
4. Get involved in local, state and federal politics.  Go to meetings, call your representatives and join advocacy groups to work towards our common goals.  If your attitude is to let other people do those things for you, don’t complain when voters reject your civil rights or you get fired from your job for being gay.  Be patriotic and get involved!
5. Share your resources – since you’re saving so much from not smoking or buying junk food, give a little back to help others.  Helping the poor and the needy is a basic great thing to do.  We’ve all been the recipient of someone else’s generosity so pay it forward.  My Grandma always told me that when you become aware of a need, it’s God’s way of allowing you to get involved and take responsibility for the welfare of someone else.  You’ll feel great and help your fellow man.

What can you do this next year?  Write your goals down and put them where you can see them each day.  Ask yourself at the end of each week (or each day) what you did to get closer to that goal.  Amend the goals as needed but keep them realistic.  Nothing will cause you to quit faster than feeling like you are chasing after something unattainable.  Let us know here at AWOP what some of your resolutions are – we’d love to hear from you!

Publisher’s Note:

Last week, a member of my PFLAG chapter asked our group what changes we’d like to see in 2010, whether it be socially, spiritually, legislatively or in some area.  The answers were as diverse as the people in attendance.  Many people wanted to see ENDA passed, others to see gay marriage legalized, some a repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and still others wanted to see changes in churches.

All of the discussion got me thinking about personal resolutions and how they relate to the bigger picture.  There are some resolutions that help us personally, and others that help others.  I wanted to take a look at some things that we queers can do to help ourselves and others this year.

1. Better health – this is absolutely good for you, but it does help everyone else when you take care of your own body.  When you stop smoking, eat healthful foods and exercise, you not only look hot but you also lessen the burden on the healthcare system and the environment.
2. Get out of debt – again, it’s mostly for you, but it’s also for me and all of my fellow citizens.  Social Security is NOT a retirement plan and if you are counting on the government to support you in your old age, you are dreaming a communist dream.  By the way, I’ve been to Russia several times and have seen first hand how well that works.  Trust me; pay off your debt and start saving.
3. Volunteer – this is really one of those things that everyone needs to do.  You can work a crisis line, be a foster parent, work at a hospice, collect good motivational books for inmates or work in a soup kitchen.  Love animals?  Call your local shelters and rescue groups.  Do what you love!  You will increase your skill sets, reduce costs for non-profits and get a healthy dose of self esteem when you consider other people ahead of yourself.
4. Get involved in local, state and federal politics.  Go to meetings, call your representatives and join advocacy groups to work towards our common goals.  If your attitude is to let other people do those things for you, don’t complain when voters reject your civil rights or you get fired from your job for being gay.  Be patriotic and get involved!
5. Share your resources – since you’re saving so much from not smoking or buying junk food, give a little back to help others.  Helping the poor and the needy is a basic great thing to do.  We’ve all been the recipient of someone else’s generosity so pay it forward.  My Grandma always told me that when you become aware of a need, it’s God’s way of allowing you to get involved and take responsibility for the welfare of someone else.  You’ll feel great and help your fellow man.

What can you do this next year?  Write your goals down and put them where you can see them each day.  Ask yourself at the end of each week (or each day) what you did to get closer to that goal.  Amend the goals as needed but keep them realistic.  Nothing will cause you to quit faster than feeling like you are chasing after something unattainable.  Let us know here at AWOP what some of your resolutions are – we’d love to hear from you!

Without going into detail about my life story, I at least want to start by saying I have had a 16-year experience steeped in fundamental evangelical Christianity. I thought, at age 20, that getting married to my best male friend would make me straight. I loved him as much as I was capable and I wanted a “normal” life. I knew that my family also wanted that for me. I got married shortly after I turned 21 but marriage made no difference.

Only 6 months into our marriage, I got pregnant with our son. I was delighted. I knew that I wanted to be a mother and I had high hopes that being a mom would be the ticket to being straight. I was very excited while pregnant to find that I didn’t have many sexual feelings towards women. But then again, I didn’t have many sexual feelings at all. My son was born and two years later, my daughter was born. Although being a mother was the greatest thing I have ever done in my life, I was not a man-lover yet.

Without going into detail about my life story, I at least want to start by saying I have had a 16-year experience steeped in fundamental evangelical Christianity. I thought, at age 20, that getting married to my best male friend would make me straight. I loved him as much as I was capable and I wanted a “normal” life. I knew that my family also wanted that for me. I got married shortly after I turned 21 but marriage made no difference.

Only 6 months into our marriage, I got pregnant with our son. I was delighted. I knew that I wanted to be a mother and I had high hopes that being a mom would be the ticket to being straight. I was very excited while pregnant to find that I didn’t have many sexual feelings towards women. But then again, I didn’t have many sexual feelings at all. My son was born and two years later, my daughter was born. Although being a mother was the greatest thing I have ever done in my life, I was not a man-lover yet.

I had an encounter with two lost men at Atlanta’s Pride weekend.  I spotted them when I was marching with my P-FLAG group in the Gay Pride Parade.    They were the ones not cheering, but instead, screaming at the parade participants, “YOU’RE WICKED!!!” and holding signs warning everyone that “God Hates Fags” and things like that.  My heart went out to them.

I enjoyed my day with my wife, Melissa, my friends and with my wonderful parents, who carried the banner for PFLAG proudly.  We enjoyed Atlanta’s Piedmont Park and all of the festivities and booths.  The weather was lovely and the park was full of families and people celebrating diversity.  We had a beautiful day.

I had an encounter with two lost men at Atlanta’s Pride weekend.  I spotted them when I was marching with my P-FLAG group in the Gay Pride Parade.    They were the ones not cheering, but instead, screaming at the parade participants, “YOU’RE WICKED!!!” and holding signs warning everyone that “God Hates Fags” and things like that.  My heart went out to them.

I enjoyed my day with my wife, Melissa, my friends and with my wonderful parents, who carried the banner for PFLAG proudly.  We enjoyed Atlanta’s Piedmont Park and all of the festivities and booths.  The weather was lovely and the park was full of families and people celebrating diversity.  We had a beautiful day.

Last weekend, I drove down to Destin, FL with 4 friends to enjoy the Destin Seafood Festival.  Specifically, we wanted to see Joan Jett & the Blackhearts perform.  While we were at the festival shortly before Joan Jett came on stage, my girlfriend leaned over to kiss me.  A 50-something woman behind me then began yelling at all of us (the others were heterosexual) that (Destin) “don’t like queers here” and began literally screaming obscenities at us and telling us how much fags are hated there and we needed our asses kicked.

We tried to reason with her that we weren’t doing anything to bother anyone.  She continued to scream at us and told us that this was a Christian place and then, she leaned over and slapped my (straight) friend, who was trying to calm her down and act as a peacemaker, in the face.  There were many witnesses.

Last weekend, I drove down to Destin, FL with 4 friends to enjoy the Destin Seafood Festival.  Specifically, we wanted to see Joan Jett & the Blackhearts perform.  While we were at the festival shortly before Joan Jett came on stage, my girlfriend leaned over to kiss me.  A 50-something woman behind me then began yelling at all of us (the others were heterosexual) that (Destin) “don’t like queers here” and began literally screaming obscenities at us and telling us how much fags are hated there and we needed our asses kicked.

We tried to reason with her that we weren’t doing anything to bother anyone.  She continued to scream at us and told us that this was a Christian place and then, she leaned over and slapped my (straight) friend, who was trying to calm her down and act as a peacemaker, in the face.  There were many witnesses.

In March of this year, Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle proposed legislation for same-sex partnerships in Wisconsin.  Three months later, the Wisconsin State Assembly and Senate both passed the state budget which included domestic partnership protections for same-sex couples in Wisconsin.

This week, I received an e-mail from Kathy Williams, a friend of mine who lives in Milwaukee with her partner, Ruth Boulet.  It gladdened my heart and I wanted to share it here.  With their permission, I am posting it for you with my sincere desire to spread the hope that with each baby step towards equality, we don’t grow weary in our fight for it.

Since I came out a year and a half ago, I have received quite an education on humanity. I am loathe to accept some painful facts about people and their intolerance about things that they don’t understand. Most of them don’t understand because, as they say, ignorance is bliss! It’s so comfortable to say, “I believe what I’ve been taught and it’s much safer and easier for me to accept that than it would be for me to listen to you, try to walk a mile in your shoes and help you work on a solution to your problem.”

1. Accepting of me
2. Advocating for me